Want this.

Full version here, not sure for how long

Christmas is coming? ;-)

*slurping a peanut butter fudge shake from Sonic* Ah, the best part of being on a liquid diet. ;-)

Anyways, got a bunch of EOB's from the insurance company. After three hospital stays, I have FINALLY hit the $2,500 deductable.

No, we won't go there...

Hey, Tish, on the third try, the manage to get the IV in and it DIDN'T infiltrate!

Anyways, I'll be heading to Mom and Dad's house soon.

Thanks for everything, ya'll.

Well, I managed to dodge the major surgery bullet. Turns out that the infection was because the previous incision had closed too quickly, and something in there got bad. I'll be heading home as soon as the nurse tracks down the doctor to get the orders.

I won't be back to work right away, there is a drain in my pouch to keep the pressure off. Maybe Monday, I don't know. My paycheck will be short a couple of days, I'll just have to manage somehow.

OK.

More surgery.

Probably major surgery. The pouch's collar seems to be complete toast, which means a conversion to a standard colostomy. He won't know for 100% sure until he gets in there in a couple of hours, but we're pretty sure.

So, no more tight jeans (sorry, guys). No more tight anything.

It would mean I could eat more like a normal person again. I miss my salads, corn, etc.

I'll write more when I can. I told my boss that I could, technically, be out for 4 - 6 weeks (yes, weeks), so I'm begging him for a work laptop so I don't lose my job. Wouldn't that suck...

Guess who has a fist-sized lump above her stoma, in the same area the surgeon opened up and stitched and supposedly fixed a couple of weeks ago?

Yeah.

Not in the hospital yet, my guy is on vacation and the other one wants to see me in his office to see if he can do anything there.

I'm learning, albeit about 15 years too late, that I don't have to sacrifice myself for others.

I wonder, if I had learned it then, when ****** was sexually abusing me and I didn't tell my mother for fear of angering her, if things might have been different.

I simply don't have the strength anymore to turn myself off so that someone else feels better.

I think that's a good thing.

Rage issues the last 24 hours, and I don't know why. Got seriously pissed off at one friend, snapped at another one in an email this morning, and now I'm contemplating death and Meteors for a co-worker.

If I had time to take off, I'd do it and go play Diablo II or other kill games until I felt better.

Um, I outlined. A story. Well, a re-write of the story I wrote last year.

Why um? Because I always said I could never outline. So Someone decided to prove me wrong.

Also redid a few tracks of the soundtrack for it.

Wonder if I can resurrect another story with an outline?

Updated the top quote. That's a small part of something I wrote, a hypothetical conversation between me and someone else.

Also updated the links.

*tired*

Exxon Mobile shatters records for profits and sales

Exxon Mobil Corp. rewrote the corporate record books Thursday as its third-quarter profits soared to almost $10 billion and it became the first public company ever with quarterly sales topping $100 billion.

$10 billion in profit.

Think on that a minute...

Now, do you still think the gas prices are because of low reserves?

Had a follow-up with the surgeon yesterday afternoon. He pokes around the incision for a minute, then says, "Wow, you're healing fast." "That's why I scar so bad," I mutter. He pokes around a bit more, then asks, "Are you steal cleaning it with the 25% peroxide?" I nod, thinking that yes, I still can stick a Q-tip in the hole the abcess created and not see the head of it. Another bit of poking around, then he asks, "Are you in any pain?" "There's a couple of sore spots, but nothing bad. My arm is worse."

He looks at my left arm, which is still quite painful from the IV. "Basically it's a chemical burn. Take ibuprophen." Then he shoos me out the door and tells me not to come back.

I'm still not driving because of said pain in my left arm. I figure if I can't hold a coffee mug in that hand, I'm sure not going to try to work a steering wheel with it. But I'm getting better day by day.

2,327 files on the MP3 player now... hit random...

1) Stone Temple Pilots "Piece of Pie"
2) Eminem "Square Dance"
3) Noriko Matsueda and Takahito Eguchi "Chocobo"
4) John Lennon "Imagine"
5) Nobuo Uematsu "Those Who Fight (piano version)"
6) Trans-Siberian Orchestra "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen"
7) Oleander "Are You There?"
8) Noriyuki Asakura "Kaoru to Misao (piano version)"
9) Yoko Kanno "Piano Black"
10) Eminem "My Name Is"
11) Public Enemy "Don't Believe the Hype"
12) Mannheim Steamroller "Kling, Glockchen"
13) Masashi Hamauzu "Thunder Plains"
14) Fiona Apple "Fast as You Can"
15) Kaze no Orchestra "Fantasia of the Wind (instrumental version)"

Some random thoughts...

- Gah yah, holiday music!!! (hits the forward button)
- Poor Eminem... he fell like he always said he would, with addiction problems. I hope he can get himself straight, if only for his daughter's sake.
- Gotta get my hands on the new Fiona Apple album
- 6 tracks from anime and games... addicted much, am i?

64 degrees in the house when I came in, so on goes the heat (it's set at 65) and up go the bills. *sigh*

Pulled out the comforter, and need to find the snug sack for the office chair.

Made it through the work day without too much problem. The pain in my arm from the stupid IV seems to be getting better, until Kahvi decides to head-butt it. *sighs again, takes Vicodin*

If I ever find out who just called my home phone, then hung up when I answered...

Awake now. Grrrr....

Good NetFlix screaming: They have Advent Children in their list!!

Bad NetFlix screaming: The have removed about 4 movies from my queue and stuck them down in "Availability - Unknown" land. Now I have to go rework my queue...

Hey ya'll,

I'm out of the hospital. He did some minor surgery Wednesday and fixed the fistula that's been causing all my problems the last couple of months.

I'm in a little pain from the infiltrated IV (as usual), and from the mile and a half of packing he removed from the incision yesterday, but otherwise OK. I'll catch up on emails as my hand let's me type a little more. :-p

Thanks for the calls and thoughts. :-)

Update: Heading to the big house, the doctor wants to nick the infected area and put a fistula-cam in there, to see if he can find what's causing it and close it off. If he can't find it, he'll wake me up and we'll discuss other things.

See ya'll later. Feel free to call or email.

Guess who's running a bit of a fever?

Who has redness around where the abcess was?

Who has heat and tenderness above the stoma?

Guess who's ready to cry and scream and fucking give up on this fucking pouch and resign myself to 30+ years of skin conditions with a regular bag?

YAY!! Wal-Mart's replacing my lenses for free, and even gave me $21.20 back because we took the "No Glare" coating off!

Off to celebrate with Albel Nox, Square Enix's latest iteration of the psycho but broken bad bishi boy...

I'm going to post pictures of myself I don't like as much, because I need the prod to get eating better.


Too much face... just too much.


I played a lot of pool in college. Unfortunately, I left all my mad skillz behind in college, because I got my ass handed to me in this game. :-p


Fear the hair ;-)


A full on frontal, showing that the first place those extra pounds head to is my face. Yeesh. Cut back on the salt and snacks, says I.


More hair. Lots more hair. ;-)


This is me, completely not impressed with the exercises we were going to have to do.

My glasses are giving me hell. I suppose that's what I get for buying cheap plastic lenses from Wal-Mart, but sheesh... something keeps happening to the coating on them, they keep getting white/cloudy spots on them. When this happened a month or so ago, the manager of the eye center accused me of using chemicals in my hair, my job, etc., but did replace them for free. I'm not counting on her being so nice this time around.

From CNN...

-- Informant in Iraq admits information about a terror plot against New York subway was a hoax, sources tell CNN.

OK, nothing else here, move along...

Sorry for the blow-up in the last post, but I had put over 40 hours into that game... *sigh* I've started over, and I'm already doing better than before because of all the notes I've put into the mostly useless BradyGames hintbook I spent $16 on...

The problem is that SCE&G frequently drops power in my neighborhood, either for a second or for a few hours. And now they want to increase the gas prices to heat our homes by about 50% (which in my case means about $75 - $100 more per month). So I tend to get very upset at them. :-p

Cover your ears...

AAAARRRRRRRGGGGGG FUCKING FUCKTARDED FUCKING POWER COMPANY FUCKING CORRUPTING MY STAR OCEAN GAME!!!!!!!!

FUCK, now I have to start over. :-( Fucking power company, likes to blink the power for no fucking reason. Fucktards. Damnit.

Wow. Got paid, paid my bills, paid off one doctor from August, put money in my savings account for the first time in months, and I STILL have almost $80 left. That means I won't have to put groceries on a credit card for the first time in a while. Yay!

Work's been insanely busy... my co-worker can't seem to hold more than a couple of thoughts in his head at one time and gets overwhelmed very easily, so after 2 days of my being gone he was at a complete loss. Luckily I have come back and gotten almost completely caught up on everything.

I probably won't talk much more about the hospital stay... Sunday morning was very surreal and, when the abcess burst, very disgusting, and not something I want to dwell on.

Still playing a lot of "Star Ocean". Just incredible stuff.

Also still listening to a lot of "Advent Children". Also very incredible stuff. ;-)

One burst 3cm by 7cm abcess later...

I'm out of the hospital now, doing good. Managed to avoid IV problems this time around, too. ;-)

I'll tell more later, I'm on Mom's dial up.

FUCk fuck fuck fuck fuck

I'm heading back to the hospital, a huge mass of something has developed under the scar. Doctor wants to get me back on IV antibiotics in the hope it'll drain or something.

FUCKity fuck fuck fuck fuck

Advent Children, in a nutshell

*much giggling*

a Man with No Name You scored 7 Honor, 6 Justice, 8 Adventure, and 2 Individuality!

It's one thing to be a gunslinger. It's another to wander into town, leave nothing but a trail of those who'd try your skill and take the town's gratitude and cash with you. Hero or villan? It's all in how you look at it and whose side you're on. Cigar in your teeth and colt on your hip, you are ready to step into the hazy desert horizon. You'll do just fine.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 38% on Ninjinuity You scored higher than 73% on Knightlyness You scored higher than 76% on Cowboiosity You scored higher than 5% on Piratical Bent

Link: The Cowboy-Ninja-Pirate-Knight Test written by fluffy71 on Ok Cupid

You are a black cat, stubborn yet friendly, you
stick to your values and preferences, and no
one can convince you otherwise! You are the
legendary cat of mystery.


What color of cat are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

We had a black cat, her name was Merlyn. She died... wow, has it been over 5 years? Something like that. She was 13 at the time, and the cancer that didn't get her the first time got her the second, poor thing. She was definitely Dad's cat.

Never thought you'd headbang to "One Winged Angel"?

Guess again. ;-)

I'm doing a good bit better. The swelling and redness is way down from yesterday.

And Goldeneye's vet gave me some drops to put in his ears, and there's already some improvement. He's not been digging in them at all.

And squeeing fan girl moment... Uematsu-sensei is so fucking awesome oh my god the Advent Children soundtrack shriek!!!1111

*ahem*

OK, now that I've gotten that out my system... Wow. Just wow. This is an incredible collection of music, completely new and fresh and unlike most of his previous stuff.

Dave, bear with me another day or two, I'm'a re-do your game music CD to include a couple of these tracks.

I'm home, on Augmenten 3 times a day for the next 10 days. We think we've caught it in time.

Off to a doctor.

Hope I'll be back soon.

Yup, the infection's back.

Fuck.

Calling the doctor in an hour, seeing if we can drain it instead of hospitalization.

Also, Goldeneye has an ear infection and needs to get to the vet. Calling him in an hour, too.

Fuck.

Running a fever.

Noticing some warmth in that same spot from last month.

Taking antibiotics given the last time.

We'll see...

The reason I have that soundtrack on continuous replay is because most of it fits my Sephiroth arc to well, from start to finish.

I know, ya'll don't understand me now. It's OK. I'll write it down so those of my neices and nephews, however many grands they are, understand.

OK, OK, since I'm so drunk I'll be up all night.

AIM is Jenn091075
MSN is jlsigman@hotmail.com

Go for it. ;-)

*drunkenly singing*

Hitohi-hitoyo ni Tsuki wa terazutomo
Kanashimi ni nuetori naku

A ga kaerimi suredo
Hana wa chirinu beshi

Nagusamuru kokoro wa
Kenuru ga gotoku

Aratayo ni Kamu tsudoite
Yo wa ake
Nuetori naku

Saku hana wa
Kami ni koinomu
Ikeru yo ni
A ga mi kanashimo
Ime wa kenu
Ura mite chiru


From Ghost in the Shell 2: Innocence

The english translation is fucking deep. The title is "Flowers Grieve and Fall" Hang on, let me go grab it from Kenji Kawai's webpage...

(fuck, I'm going to have to type this, it's a PDF file)

Through Day and Night, the Moon not coming
In grief, Nue will sing.
Flowers wil fall away,
The heart of solace having withered.
In a new world, Gods will decend.
The dawn will break and Nue will sing.
Flowers in bloom pray to Gods,
Lamenting over their being in this world of life,
Their dreams having faded away,
Flowers grieve and fall.

Woo, holy fuck, I'm drunk.

WEEE~!!

To my Goddess, who is as sweet and biting as the vodka I drink.

*raises shot glass*

*knocks it back*

*bows*

You know you're a writer when... you're writing the novelization of the movie you're watching in your head.

Another drunken observation: I normally consider "One Winged Angel" Uematsu's weakest piece of music. In the game it's incredibly pretensious and downright awful. I started to change my opinion when I went to the Final Fantasy concert in Atlanta earlier this year. Live, with an orchestra, surrounded by a couple thousand fellow FF fans marking out, it's a different experience. The rock/orchestra version in the movie may just be the version that makes me like it despite myself.

Drunken observation: Kadaj's summoning, what I saw in print called Bahamut Sin, has the face of a Jem-Hadar from Deep Space Nine.

Carry on. ;-)

Two things have taken over my life recently:

1) Star Ocean: 'Till the End of Time
Another incredible SquareEnix RPG. Great graphics, great music, great storyline. So far my only complaint is that the English voice track was not mixed in properly and is often drowned out by the music.

2) Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children
With GameStop telling me it won't be released until January, I went ahead and downloaded a fan-sub. Two words: Holy shit! I still need the full-screen version (the one I downloaded is rather small), because I know I'm missing the little details Square is famous for not overlooking. But it's INCREDIBLE... the sheer brutality of the Loz/Tifa fight leaves me breathless every time. Kadaj is incredibly sympathetic, and Sephiroth... well, he is his normal insane self.
What I found most mind-blowing was how much the fanfic I wrote last year resembles this. It will only take some editing here and there to put it in the continuity after this. I can't wait to try to start that.

But first... *points to the vodka bottle* Be back later. ;-)

*bows deeply*

I'm sorry.

*bows again*

I have no reasons, only excuses.

I'm OK. Things are going OK personally, but badly at work. I need to remember the litany against fear more often, and throw out the unneeded things more routinely.

Jeremy Lopez, I hope you're safe in Texas.

Jeannie, my thoughts are with you. Hang in there. Feel free to throw the humans out and snuggle with Worf as often as needed.

Thanks to my health insurance policy not applying most doctor's visits to my deductable or out of pocket max, I'm probably looking at $2,800 in hospital bills.

I've planned out my paychecks from now until the end of the year, and I don't think anyone's getting Christmas presents, unless I work an assload of overtime.

Money really IS the root of all evil... *sigh*

Sorry I haven't updated more about Dragon*Con, but the last couple of days have been full of stupid drama at work. But now, despite what the guy who left might think, it is over because he's gone.

Today's my birthday! I'm 30 now. I've gotten small, thoughtful gifts this year, which is great. But, since I am part hobbit (and I have the furry toes to prove it), I will share presents on my birthday, too.

These were made HERE!

(edit: Sorry, Blogger doesn't seem to want to do the "Upload to blogger thing" today)



Top one is me at work (hence the dungeon). Bottom one is the best I could make a Lego Sephiroth.

Now, if you'll excuse me, there's whiskey to be drunk on this day. ;-)

Work drama. Lots and lots of work drama. Will not discuss it here.

OK, here's Friday... I'll do this a bit at a time as the drama allows. :-p

Can't talk about Friday without mentioning Thursday evening. Remember my post about how scatter-brained I was? That continued... I got home, packed, and got an hour into the hour and a half drive to Janice's house when I realized that I had left my Dragon*Con pre-registration postcard, schedule, and Jedi cloak at home. I turn around while leaving a message on Janice's cell phone that included the f-word at least 5 times. She calls back laughing (which I completely deserved) and says we can meet in Augusta in the morning.

So, in the morning, I dress up as a Jedi, and leave the house around quarter to 7am. Zoom down the interstate, being passed by a former co-worker and his current co-worker wife, also heading to Dragon*Con. Wait for Janice in one of Augusta's Park and Ride facilities, which was completely trashed. She gets there about 30 minutes late, we eat at IHOP, and down the road we go.

Downtown Atlanta is... *sigh* It's very pretty. It's very hard to navigate. It's full of people who sleep out in the parks and openly rummage through the trash, but you never really feel threatened. We found our hotel, a block from the main convention sight, but the parking garage for it was already full, so my car spent the weekend on the curb right outside the lobby. After a room snafu (they tried to give us a room with only one bed), we got unloaded and ready to go. The problem with Jedi is that they have no pockets, so the intubating catheter was tucked into my undies, while my room key, ID, and money got stuffed into my bra (I'm small, there's plenty of room).

We almost couldn't find the Hilton, managing to go in the wrong direction a couple of times. But we found the food court of a mall-like place, which is always good to know. Finally, we get to registration and get registered. I see my former co-worker and current co-worker again, who have to ask what I'm dressed as. Um, did the cloak and the big fake lightsaber handle not give a clue? Anyways, Janice and I compare notes and part ways.

Noon - Gundum SEED episodes 1 - 3
It took me forever to find the room (though I must have passed the room twice), and by the time I got there they were showing episode 3. I understood nothing of what was going on or why things were happening, so I didn't stay long. I have one of the many iterations of this anime in my NetFlix queue, so I'll catch it then.

1pm - TOR 40th Anniversary of Dune party
Met Louis (Hi Louis!) before going in, and hung out with him for this. We got food and drinks and free stuff (I got a copy of The Battle of Corrin)afterwards. Kevin J. Anderson gave a good speech about Frank Herbert and Dune and stuff he and Brian are planning for the future. Unfortunately, I have not been at all impressed with any of the book they've written, which does not bode well for them wrapping up the original series as they plan to.

Went back to the hotel for Advil and coffee.

5:30pm - Gaming and Free Expression (EFF discussion)
Man, this ended up as teh suck. One of the panelists runs what she calls a "mature" RPG thing and kept going on and on and on about how the Patriot Act was going to get places like hers shut down because of anything that could even remotely be construed as terrorism. Two other panelist, one who had actually READ the Act, said that it did not cover imaginary things, but she kept insisting. I left after the third iteration of their argument.

7pm - Wrestling! Four of my old Wildside buddies (Sim J, Azrael, Murder 1, and Rainman will be there)
Oh boy, did this suck. I know I was spoiled by Wildside, but really, you do not have to have every single match go to the 20 or 30 minute time limit. I saw my old pal David Young, who looked incredible, but I couldn't last until the end when he wrestled. At 8:30 they had only were just starting the 4th match, so I left.

More later!

I'm home.

It was AWESOME.

More later.

*sleeps for the next 13 hours*

Dragon*Con's going great!

Saw this on CNN.com and had to share...


Should President Bush nominate a current Supreme Court jurist for chief justice or pick someone new?
Yes
No

*headdesk*

Work rage issues. Just... GAH, I work with stupid people, for stupid people, supporting fucking retarded people.

Then I'm kicking myself because I played FF X this morning instead of finishing the packing, so I get to leave here at 6:30pm, get home by 7pm, finish packing, and drive in the dark back roads to Janice's house while tired. Fucking idiot me.

There are lines for gas at the gas stations here.

And the cost is $2.99 for the lowest grade.

*praying there's a New Orleans in the morning*

Since I am so very Virgo (remember, my NetFlix queue is in a carefully kept spreadsheet...), I have taken the info from DragonCon's webpage and made my schedule. ;-)

FRIDAY:
Noon - Gundum SEED episodes 1 - 3
1pm - TOR 40th Anniversary of Dune party
5:30pm - Gaming and Free Expression (EFF discussion)
7pm - Wrestling! Four of my old Wildside buddies (Sim J, Azrael, Murder 1, and Rainman will be there)

SATURDAY:
10am - Parade outside (sneak in if possible *grin*)
1pm - Panel with Robin Curtis
2:30pm - Honing your Psychic Abilities, Beginning Level
5:30pm - Star Trek Celebrity panel
7pm - Cowboy Bebop: Knocking on Heaven's Door

SUNDAY:
10am - Mars Exploration Rovers
11:30am - Christianity and Paganism
1pm - One Ring King Kong Presentation
2:30pm - Women in Gaming
4:30pm - Xenosaga episodes 1 & 2
5:30pm - Star Wars: Timeline in Crisis or Xenosaga episode 3 (only if the first two are decent)
7pm - Happy Hour in 10-Forward
8pm - Masquerade

MONDAY:
10am - Panel with LeVar Burton
11:30am - Fan Fiction, Fan Websites, and the Law (another EFF panel)
2:30pm - Cooking in Middle Earth

Hey, sorry, been trying to get some remote access stuff to work. So far, no go, but the tech support guy at Echo VNC is being a 1000% helpful and kind to this idiot.

Tree came down fine, although I didn't ask Dad how. :-p

And now there's rumors that Advent Children is being delayed until November. *goes off to borrow someone's materia*

I'm about to flee my house.

Sometime this past week (Tuesday or Wednesday night, I can't remember) we had a really powerful thunderstorm. It looked like a hurricane out there. I heard limbs bounce off the roof, but nothing bad, so I went back to bed.

In the morning, I saw that one of my neighbor's pine trees had snapped about 20 feet up in the air and was leaning on my maple tree. My house is in no danger - the worst that can happen if it falls now is take out the fence that divides my yard from his. I left my business card with my cell phone number on it and a note saying that when he called the tree people to let me know if they needed to get into my yard.

He calls me later that day, saying he's going to get a chainsaw and some friends to take it down.

His parents and his friend are here, and they're trying to take the godsdamned thing down with an underpowered GMC truck, some rope, and a chainsaw. I've called Dad over here, and I'm leaving. I can not watch these idiots kill themselves and/or take out my fence. I wouldn't mind packing up my cats, but I don't have a place to take them or money to board them for the day. :-p

*fleeing in terror*

Out of 2147... random... first 15...

1) WarCraft III 2001 trailer
- The music to the trailer that told us WarCraft fans that we were in for a real treat
2) Andrew Boyd & Robb Mills - The Pool Awakens
- From "Pool of Radiance - Ruins of Myth Drannor". There was a lot of good music in this game that is generally looked down upon because of some serious bugs in the original release. Once you patch it, you have an incredible dungeon crawl.
3) Kaze No Orchestra - Kaisou
- From "Record of the Lodoss War"
4) Prince and the Revolution - The Beautiful Ones
5) Hans Zimmer - The Way of the Sword
- From "The Last Samurai"
6) The Black Crowes - Sometimes Salvation
7) Mox - Fez
8) Evanescence - Bring Me To Life
- One of those songs I sing really loud in my car. ;-)
9) Noriko Matsueda and Takahito Eguchi - Aeons
- From "Final Fantasy X-2". OK, Bahamut, hint taken, I will work on the damn story...
10) Anastacia - I'm Outta Love
11) Aerosmith - Dream On (Live)
12) Brian Tyler - The Revolution
- From Sci-Fi's "Children of Dune".
13) Heart - Who Will You Run To?
14) Queen - A King of Magic
15) Larry Greene - Through the Fire

I know I'm not doing much more than this lately, but I'm just tired... I could complain about work, but it won't do me any good. I could complain about the pain in my left hand from the blood clot in it, and how it'll be weeks probably before it's back to normal, but it won't do me any good.

Besides, I don't want another email from some idiot about how I should take down my blog because my life sucks and I'm probably fat. ;-)

So if all I talk about sometimes is music and Sephiroth... well, that's good stuff.

Someone asked about the braid once in an email...


hehehehehehe...

Found a GREAT freeware photo editor software, called VCW VicMan's Photo Editor. Now, most of ya'll know I can't draw a straight line with a ruler, so shelling out massive money for Adobe was simply stupid. I've used Microsoft Photo Editor since Office 95 and love it, and it's the only thing about Office I miss. This is the closest thing I've found in the freeware department. Now I can make icons again! Like this bit of pure evilness...

At work. Joy.

Out of 2144... random 15...

1) Neptunes - Superstar
- Cru Jones's second Wildside theme. I think that's the name of it. He told me once, but I have to admit I didn't always pay attention when he spoke... he had these perfect thighs... *sigh*
2) Metallica - Tuesday's Gone
3) Nobuo Uematsu - Crossing Those Hills
- From FF IX. It's actually a very cute variation of "Melodies of Life".
4) Hive - Ultrasonic Sound
5) Adam Ant - Goody Two Shoes
6) The Black Mages - Battle Scene (FF I)
- BTW, if you come across a live album of their's... don't. It sounds like shit.
7) Yoko Kanno - Tank!
- *bows in her general direction*
8) Kaze No Orchestra - Dark Island Marmo
- From the 80's anime "Record of the Lodoss War"
9) Type O Negative - Bloody Kisses
- The Lost Boys used this in an insane promo back in the day.
10) Hootie and the Blowfish - Only Wanna Be With You
11) Rick Springfield - Celebrate Youth
12) Janet Jackson - Interlude: Pledge
- "We are a nation with no geographic boundaries, bound together through our beliefs. We are like-minded individuals sharing a common vision, pushing towards a world rid of color lines."
13) Larry Greene - Through the Fire
14) Metallica - Ain't My Bitch
15) The Eric Gales Band - High Anxiety

My hands are getting better... I can hold things without as much pain. Now we'll just have to see how long I can use them without a lot of pain. That'll determine if I make it back to work tomorrow.

I'm home, but not for long. My hands are a fucking mess, one from the bad IV, the other from the good IV. I can barely hold a glass, and typing is painful after a couple of words. Heading to Mom and Dad's to spend the night, in case the right hand (the one where the IV slipped out and made it swell bad) gets nasty.

It was an abcess, but whatever caused has closed up and the infection is responding to IV antibiotics. I'll be going home tomorrow.

EMERGENCY UPDATE

I am heading to the hospital. Something has burst or ruptured or something, I am having intense pain and fever, Dr. Albert wants IV antibiotics and more tests in the morning.

Love ya'll. More when I can.

OK.

If this is disjointed, I'm sorry. It's late for me, and I took a Vicodin earlier.

According to Dr. Albert, after doing a contrast and fluroscope twice, and bloodwork, he has no idea what's causing my pain. There is no fistula, no abcess, no sign of any bowl loop out of place, my blood counts are all normal. Nothing comes up. He's frustrated and stumped, because he knows I'm in pain and knows it's around my pouch.

He's suggesting getting a foley catheter to use for the next few days, since it's very soft and flexible, and to keep him up to date every couple days, and to page him instantaneously if anything changes at all.

So I pop online, and there's a AIM from the daughter of a co-worker who got a BCIR after talking to me. Dr. James Pollack, my original surgeon, who was a doctor in Vietnam, died yesterday suddenly and unexpectedly. I've found no other details.

So... yeah. Now I need to get to sleep so I can go to work in the morning. Yeah.

Good news/bad news

Good news: I don't have an abcess.

Bad news: He thinks it's a loop of small bowel that's somehow gotten caught up by an adhesion or something around the collar and valve of the pouch. So surgery is still very likely in the near future.

Today he's sending me off to get a full blood spectrum, then I go knock back a shooter of radioactive sludge and have a CT-scan to see where it goes.

Lots of pain, but I can handle pain, know that I'm not panicking over an infection (yes, I'm weird that way).

Good news/bad news:

Good news - MRI went OK. I won't know results until this week. But it may be a moot point...

Bad news - There's something very wrong with my pouch. I don't know if it's another abcess, a badly behaving adhesion, or what, but there's very local pain and swelling around the stoma. I'm calling the surgeon who fixed me up last year to see if he can get me in to see what's wrong.

So right now I'm playing a lot of Diablo II, killing demons and crap. Helps the mood.

Harry Potter Meme of All Memes by Osaku
Name/Username
Age
Gender
House	Gryffindor
Wand	Oak, 12", Veela Hair
Best Course	Care of Magical Creatures
Worst Course	Divination
Pet	Havana brown cat
Patronus	Lynx
Quidditch Job	Referee
Wizard Candy	Chocoballs
Profession After School	Gringotts Banker
Quiz created with MemeGen!

Between my back and my pouch, I want to just lay in bed and scream and scream until they send the men in white coats after me.

I hurt. I've been up and down all night. I have an MRI today. This all sucks.

Can I call down a personal Meteor on assholes who make assumptions, and then plans based on those assumptions, without ever once thinking to ask me whether or not I was going to take a lunch break?

Yeah, I know, an hour of overtime looks good. But my back has been hurting for over 2 hours now, and I would have liked a break. Guess not.

On the back front, went to the doctor, got a prescription for a lot of Vicodin, and an MRI scheduled for Thursday afternoon. The Vicodin is with me here at work.

Don't tempt me. :-p

On Wednesday, September 14th, after work, I will go to my local Game Stop and pick up my reserved copy of Advent Children

*squees and giggles and jitters around

Now I just have to wait until then.

Don't ask me what I'm doing up so early... just seemed like a good idea 30 minutes ago. :-p

I'm doing OK (except for being up too early this morning), sleeping well and coping well. Mom's in less pain than she was before thanks to a nerve block behind her knee, but she's still not pushing for answers on the underlying cause.

Working my way through Final Fantasy II, a nicely linear and fairly easy to know where to go next kind of game. I've got a bad feeling, though, that the longer it takes to find Maria's brother Leon, the less happy the reunion's going to be...

Getting new glasses this weekend. The ones I'm in now are 2 years old and can't be cleaned well because of the scratches. I also think that's why I've been having some problems with vertigo... my astigmatism may be getting worse.

And... that's it for now.

Whee! Beat Final Fantasy I!

Yeah, on easy mode. Bite me. ;-)

Unfortunately, all the FAQs over on GameFaqs were for the old NES version, which meant that approximately 75% of stuff had a different name. :-p

So... anyone want to see me an old, cheap laptop? Doesn't have to have any networking capabilities... just needs to turn on and run Notepad. I think I'll write my own FAQ for the PlayStation next time I play...

Wow... I can't remember why I stopped taking the Melatonin before bed, but man that was a stupid decision. Slept great last night, feel a lot better.

We have a new phone system at work, and man, the hold music sucks. ;-) I told our phone guy that I'd make a CD for him, and here's the track list.

1) Nobuo Uematsu - Final Fantasy (piano version)
2) Yoko Kanno - Goodbye Julia
3) Nobuo Uematsu - Memories of Life (piano version)
4) Nobuo Uematsu - Aerith's Theme (orchestral version)
5) Nobuo Uematsu - The Successor
6) Nobuo Uematsu - To Zanarkand
7) Nobuo Uematsu - Path of Repentence
8) Nobuo Uematsu and Masashi Hamauzu - Someday the Dream Will End
9) Masashi Hamauzu - To the End of the Abyss
10) Noriko Matsueda and Takahito Eguchi - Eternity (Memories of Waves and Light)
11) Yasunori Mitsuda - The Girl Who Closed Her Heart
12) Yasunori Mitsuda - Nephilim
13) Yasunori Mitsuda - Warmth
14) Yasunori Mitsuda - Green Sleeves
15) Kimiko Itoh - River of Crystals
16) David Foster - Love Theme from St. Elmo's Fire
17) Queen - Forever
18) Emerson, Lake, and Palmer - Romeo and Juliet
19) Enya - Miss Clare Remembers
20) Enya - Watermark

If they actually use this, I'll let you know. ;-)

Why is it that when I'm in a fuck the world mood, after waking up badly (we won't go into my mental health issues, mmm-kay?), watching Advent Children trailers with him in them makes it OK to be mad, almost empowers it?

Is it really so bad to be bad?

James "Scotty" Doohan died this morning

*is sad*

*giggling* OK, I SO need these when they come out

I have a kitten in my guest room for a few days... Mom had one she'd been keeping for Project Pet while they figured out why her sibs dropped dead (brain leasons), then a pretty little baby kitten walked into the house while a door-to-door salesman was harassing her. Since pretty little baby does not have shots, I'm keeping Tripod (I'll get a picture up later) for a few days.

Goldeneye is growling at anything. Me: "Goldy, she weighs, like, 1/10th of what you go, will you calm down?" Goldeneye: *growl* *hiss* *lash tail*

More music, this time with occasional commentary! Yes, I'm trying to dropkick my inner writer into action, why do you ask? ;-)

12:53pm

1) The Forbidden Pool - Howard Shore
~~~Howard Shore so kicks John Williams' butt... Shore had to write 3 scores in 3 years, and made them all sound different. Williams has written a zillion scores in 30 years, and they basically all sound the same.
2) La Serenissima - Loreena McKennitt
3) He's A Pirate - Klaus Badelt
~~~From "Pirates of the Caribbean", such a fun little soundtrack. If this shows up in that Kingdom Hearts game, I'm in big trouble...
4) Middle of Nowhere - The Blank Theory
5) Back to the Rivers of Belief - Enigma
4) You're Not Alone! - Nobuo Uematsu
~~~From the incredibly fun Final Fantasy IX
5) Blackbeat - Apollo 440
6) More Human Than Human - White Zombie
~~~Under the headphones, this is just not as good as I remember. Maybe have to try to find a better rip, or just get rid of it. It doesn't have the crunch I always think of Rob as bringing to the party.
7) Dirt - Depeche Mode
~~~Fun little ditty from these guys... I used this in the soundtrack to the FF VII fanfic I wrote last year, because it seemed to summon up both Jenova and my characters changes perfectly.
8) Good Girls Go to Heaven (Bad Girls Go Everywhere) - Meatloaf

1:55

1) Praying for Time - George Michael
~~~"Listen Without Prejudice volume 1" was an incredible album that still holds up 15 years later.
2) Superbeast (Girl on a Motorcycle mix) - Rob Zombie
~~~See, this is what I'm looking for in Rob. Lots of crunch and bass.
3) Book of Days - Enya
4) Changing States - Emerson, Lake, and Palmer
5) Learning to Fly - Pink Floyd
~~~Way back in 1998, in between surgery and going back to college, I worked in the HR office for the US Postal Service during the Christmas season hiring insanity. Basically just did a lot of data entry and faxing of forms to SLED. "Momentary Lapse of Reason" spent a lot of time in my CD player, and by the end of the job I had written a "Jayce and the Wheeled Warriors" (oh, go Google it) series in my head. Unfortunately, it's never hardly left my head, and too much of it is lost. *sigh*
6) Warm Winter - Kid Rock
7) A Knife in the Dark - Howard Shore
8) Last Battle - Yasunori Mitsuda
~~~Here's a case of "I hate the game but I love the music." Shion is the most whiney, selfish, screechy bitch I have ever had the misfortune of controlling. I swear I will not pick up another one in this series until she is gone.
9) Long Time Gone - Dixie Chicks
~~~hehehehehehe... yeah, a little bit of that in here. ;-)
10) Come To My Window - Melissa Etheridge
11) Love Rears Its Ugly Head - Living Colour
12) Wishing It Was - Santana featuring Eagle-Eye Cherry

Not in the mood to write, just sorta aimlessly here at work...

Out of 2121 tracks on my Dell DJ...

1) old Wildside theme for Havoc (don't know what it is)
2) The Best Things - Filter
3) Smack My Bitch Up - The Prodigy
4) A Storm is Coming - Howard Shore
5) You're Alright - Michael W. Smith
6) Travel Agency - Masashi Hamauzu
7) Lightning Is My Girl - Auf Der Maur
8) Perfect - Alanis Morissette
9) Prologue - Loreena McKennitt
10) Never Tear Us Apart - INXS
11) Oniwa Banshu ~ Kyoto Tansakugata - Noriyuki Asakura
12) Only You Know and I Know - Phil Collins
13) Yesterday - The Beatles
14) Kodamas - Joe Hisaishi
15) Song of Prayer ~ Yunalesca - Nobuo Uematsu and Masashi Hamauzu
16) Beach of the Void - Yasunori Mitsuda
17) YuRiPa Fight No. 1 - Noriko Matsueda and Takahito Eguchi
18) Godzilla - Blue Oyster Cult
19) The Demon Power - Joe Hisaishi
20) Face to Face - Siouxie and the Banshees

That's me at work, in the space I shared with about 6 other people before this Antarctic outpost. Notice I have Sephiroth over each shoulder. ;-) And yes, I'm that pale, and yes, I've put on a couple of pounds. I'll be 30 in September. I'm cool with it.

Some random lyrics... from "Rise", the second Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex opening theme:

I'm a soldier, born to stand
in this waking hell I am
witnessing more than I can compute

Pray myself we don't forget
lies, betrayed and the oppressed
please give me the strength to be the truth

People facing the fire together
if we don't, we'll lose all we have found

Square E is really sucking me in...

I hated Kingdom Hearts. Not the concept, which was great, but the camera control was ass and the button mashing killed my hand.

But they're really going to make me buy the second one. First they tell me Auron's going to be in it. Then this picture is released. Barbossa and Will Turner?

Fuck yeah, I'm there. I'm so pathetic...

Can I just stay home and watch more Deep Space Nine?

Please?

It'll be more fun than having the new guy at work hovering over my shoulder all morning...

OK, vertigo, you can go the fuck away now... I took off a little early yesterday, I'd really rather not have to take off early again...

Let's see... Music Playlists, Play All Tracks, Shuffle...

1. The Devil Came Back to Georgia - The Charlie Daniels Band and Johnny Cash
2. Time of My Life - Macy Gray
3. She Talks to Angels (accoustic version) - The Black Crowes
4. Praeludium in a-moll - Diertrich Buxtehude
5. J-E-N-O-V-A - The Black Mages
6. NWA Wildside theme for Kaos (never knew who did it)
7. One Moment in Time - Whitney Houston
8. NWA Wildside theme for Seth DeLay (something by Silverchair)
9. What the Hell Have I? - Alice in Chains
10. The Gift - Annie Lennox
11. Go Faster - The Black Crowes
12. Right Now - Van Halen
13. Carrion - Fiona Apple
14. B.O.B. - Outkast
15. Enemy Attack - Junya Nakano

Dear Dodge,

Please hurry up and make the hybrid Ram. I miss my big pickup.

Love,

Me

My apologies... I'm spending as much of the weekend drunk as possible. Need the analgesic. Here's me and Harley -



Yes, she climbed up there herself. That's what she did, climbed and jumped and careened off of anything and everything.

Now I cry about her.

Mom just called... little Harlequin died today. When I get home from work, I'll find a picture of me and her.

Harlequin was from a litter of kittens Mom fostered last year. The mother cat was disinterested in two of her babies and stopped feeding them. One died the night we got them, but Harley hung on. She was teeny tiny... it took 5 or 6 months for her to get to 2 pounds so she could be spayed. But she was fiesty and had the weirdest, roughest cat call you ever heard.

Mom got her back a couple of months ago, after she was diagnosed with feline herpes and thus rendered unadoptable. She lived with Johnny and Xerxes, Mom's two persians (Xerxes already has herpes), tormenting them greatly. Then, in the last week, her nose started running a lot and she'd sneeze brown junk. Also, she deevloped some weird lumps on her belly. The vet said to bring her in today and he'd do some surgery to see if it was breast tissue (she was spayed while she was in heat) or something else.

Surgery went fine, he didn't find anything bad. But when they tried to wake her up, her little heart just stopped.

Ieyui
Nobomeno
Renmiri
Yojuyogo

Hasatekanae
Kutamae

I, Jennifer Sigman, give myself permission to write out of order. I also give myself permission to write what I'm not working on right now, to write imaginary conversations between me and my boss, and to write what I told myself not to write yet for another year or two. If it's in my head, write it down.

I move into a new space at work today. Not an office, but part of the open space next to the server room. It's cold over there. It's also light years from anyone else in the department. Supposedly, it's temporary.

Over/under on my getting sick? Anyone?

There's a special kind of shower that doesn't happen all the time... conditions have to be just right. But then you get your hair shampooed good and the conditioner in and your still-sharp loufa sponge full of soap. You're covered in suds and scrubbing hard, and once you rinse you're probably missing a layer or two of skin, but it's the kind of thing where you can then step out and loudly proclaim, "I am CLEAN!"

Yeah, that's me. ;-)

Still very sick, but not quite as bad as before. Had another high fever yesterday, and woke up this morning with a 100 degree fever, but nothing since. Very tired. Very hard to focus my eyes on the screen.

Got to the concert Friday night despite fever and sore throat.

Spent Saturday wishing I would die, between fever, sore throat, and vomiting. Missed the concert.

Dragged myself home yesterday, went to the Urgent Care, got a bag of fluid (my pulse was 120 despite the fact I had been laying down for the last 15 minutes), a diagnoses of strep throat, and doctor's orders to stay home.

Going back to bed.

At 4:55pm yesterday, my doctor finally decides to call me back. I left the message about 10:30am. :-p

I am feeling a little better after the first dose, although I'm sure people will tell me it's the placebo affect. I haven't felt like I needed cup after cup of coffee to keep going. In fact, I've only had my one early morning cup.

Mom and Becca left for New York before 7am this morning. I left a message on Mom's cell phone, just to let her know I'm thinking of them.

'Scuse me, that's her. :-)

ADDENDUM: They're doing fine, they're just over the border in Virginia getting lunch. Mom thinks they might make it to Terrytown tonight. Um... it took 6 hours just to get that far, it's at least another 8 or 9 to go. I hope she doesn't push Becca too hard.

So I leave work yesterday at 4pm, thinking that if Becca and Mom are going to take my car to New York, I'd go ahead and get the oil changed and tired rotated. As I drive in, I see that the place I'm going to is also doing a free brake inspection.

Brakes are fine. Tired are toast. They had 56,500 miles on them and no tread left. So I spend $300 to get new tires.

Go to Mom's, hang out with the new kitten Tripod (named because she has three grey tabby legs and one golden tabby leg) that she's fostering. Go home, start cleaning out my car.

Mom calls. She had just gotten off the phone with Becca, who decided (or badgered JR into doing it for her) to borrow her in-law's Taurus instead.

Today, I'm calling the doctor. I'm not coping. I need help.

OK. Way back in March or April, my brother-in-law Paul (husband of Heather, my half-sister) goes into the hospital to have a small cancerous thing removed from his bile duct. He spends a month or more in the hosptial (until mid-May, if I'm remembering right), partly because they had to remove part of his pancreas, partly to recover from an infection.

I see him last week when I'm in Terrytown, he's lost 30 pounds and half his hair, and has a drain in for the infection that was lingering.

Today he was going to go in just to get that infection scraped out. Instead, they take out more of his pancreas, more bile duct, and something happens with his aorta that makes him lose 7 pints of blood. Tomorrow they'll take part of his femoral artery to fix whatever's wrong with his aorta.

So, Becca and Mom will drive up to New York in my car (the only dependable one), I'll take Dad's VW Bug to Atlanta, and Dad will cram himself in Mom's Oldsmobile Achieva.

You know you're doing bad when you'd rather stare at a hard drive formatting itself than write something... *sigh*

Sorry, but for whatever reason I am very worn out and tired most of the time.

The fact that vertigo struck on the way home from New York didn't help. Neither does the thinly-veiled hostilty from my co-worker.

One bright spot (to me, anyways) has been playing .hack part 2. This game is as addictive as crack, and three times as much fun. ;-) Can't wait to get home and play some more.

*frantically waving Arlene away*

SHOO! Don't be messing up my flight home Sunday!

Be careful shipping overnight with UPS. Your box may end up looking like this:





There was a laptop in there. Fortunately, it still works.

I guess what gets me the most worried about everyone else going to lunch without me over and over again is that the new VP is now part of that, excluding me from plans and not even asking if I'd be interested. If he thinks that little of me, how secure is my job?