Less stress in my life already... I'll be getting a full paycheck from work Friday. I was worried I'd get little or nothing, since the stupid hospital doctor's office took 10 fucking days to fill out 5 lines of a two-page form. :-p

I also cooked this weekend! Go me! ;-) A simple meat and cheese pie-like dish from off the BisQuick box, but still.

Back at work today... some things have changed, most have not. It's always interesting to see a place with new eyes, after being gone for a long time.

I go to the cardiologist in about 45 minutes... should be nothing. I keep saying that. :-p

Bush has said he will announce his new blueprint for the war in Iraq "sometime next week."

Well, the guy who thumbed his nose at his daddy is dead, so whatcha wanna bet it's time for us to leave? :-p

4 entries in a row! Let's see if I can make this a habit...

After beating the incredibly disappointing .hack//G.U. early this week, I decided what I needed was to go visit old friends. So I grabbed my copy of Final Fantasy VIII and got reacquainted with the gang. I don't think I've actually played it through to the end since I had it for the PC 5 or so years ago. It's a wonderful story with a very unique playing style that is frowned upon by way too many people.

Up next is Vagrant Story, which I understand is set in the same world as Final Fantasy Tactics and Final Fantasy XII. I hated Tactics but consider XII the game of the year, so we'll see where this one falls.

Some people you just have to thank in person. So today, when I passed by the Urgent Care on my way to the post office, I thought, "I need to go tell Dr. Wingo he saved my life."

So I did. I went in, asked for him, went back to the nurse's station, and shook his hand. He was surprised to hear I ended up with a pacemaker. We chatted for a minute, then he had to get back to his work. I also talked to the nurse who put the IV line in my arm, which lasted for way longer than it had any right to.

Good works deserve rewards.

After the past few days where the temperature never got below the mid 50's, it's actually fairly cold outside now. The climate changes are getting more pronounced... Mom has gold finches a couple steps removed from full mating color, and it's JANUARY.

A hope for the new year...

By this invocation of peace may peace bring peace!
With this peace the dreadful I now appease,
with this peace the cruel I now appease,
with this peace all evil I now appease,
so that peace may prevail, happiness prevail!
May everything for us be peaceful!

-Athara Veda

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

*punts 2006 out the door*

A couple small resolutions...

1) Stress less about money. It's impossible to never stress about it, but it doesn't need to be something I think about every single day.

2) Cook more. Now that I have a working range and oven, I need to get into the habit of cooking things on the weekend I can eat off of during the week. This will help with the money stress, since I won't be so tempted to eat out for lunch all the time.

Enjoy the day!

At home full time now. YAY!!!

I'm hanging in there, continuing to recover. My bad shoulder still screams a lot, but my range of motion is getting better every day. The skin on my chest is healed up from being ripped off by all the tape, but I've still got a fairly spectacular collection of bruises.

Just taking it one day at a time...

I am out of the hospital now... and I stay out of work until January 8th or 9th. I see my doctor tomorrow, and the cardiologist on the 8th.

More later... my shoulder is sore. Thanks for everything. :-)

It's amazing how things work sometimes.

Tuesday night I have a little pain in my chest when I breathe, but I had come home to a house covered in cat spit up, so I wrote it off as exhaustion and went to bed. The next day, I couldn't walk across the hall to the meeting room without gasping for air. I just thought it was a chest cold, or maybe bronchitis, so I told my boss I was heading to the Urgent Care for some antibiotics and maybe an inhaler, and would be back in a few hours.

Not exactly.

The doctor liked neither my breathing nor my history, so he ordered EKG and a CT-Angiogram. The EKG didn't show anything. The CT scan showed multiple clots on my heart and lungs. One ambulance ride to the hospital later... a doppler of my legs didn't show anything in there, and a sonogram of my heart didn't show anything. So we started the blood thinner cycle, I go on a heart monitor, and I started thinking about how I was going to have to get off of the hormones and start menstruating again, which sucks.

Friday afternoon Dr. Albert, brother of the Dr. Albert who's fixed my guts the last few years, comes in with a bad look on his face. Apparently my heart stops beating for 3 - 4 seconds at a time. Next thing I know, I'm getting a pace maker put in.

Yes, a pace maker. At 31. For probably the rest of my life.

I have noticed some improvements already, in blood flow and coloring. The only concern left over is that my heart rate seems to hover around 120 beats per minute.

I don't know how much longer I'll be here, probably a few more days until my blood is thin enough for them. We won't talk about money and paychecks.

But, if I hadn't been in here for a blood clot, I never would have known.

You are pure awareness.

The world is an illusion,
Nothing more.

When you understand this fully,
Desire falls away.

You find peace.

For indeed!
There is nothing.

Ashtavakra Gita 15:17

To the Divine Goddess who resides in all existence in the form of Confusion, we bow to Her; we bow to Her; we bow to Her, continually we bow, we bow.

Presiding over the senses of all beings and pervading all existence, to the Omnipresent Goddess who individualizes creation we bow, we bow.

In the form of Consciousness She distinguishes the individual phenomena of the perceivable universe. We bow to Her; we bow to Her; we bow to Her; we bow to Her, continually we bow, we bow.

-Chandi Patha

To everyone of us there must come a time when the whole universe will be found to have been a dream, when we find the soul is infinitely better than the surroundings. It is only a question of time, and time is nothing in the infinite.

-Sai Baba

I have bought a ticket for the Trans-Siberian Orchestra concert here in Columbia on the 13th of December~!!!

*dances around the room*

Yes, I probably shouldn't have, considering the boss has taken away all our overtime and all, but damn... I missed them the last couple of years because of hospital stays and such, and I am NOT missing them this time!

Depression sucks, and leaves you without much of anything to write about.

I'll be OK, though... I have my kitties to purr in my bed with me.

Your Vocabulary Score: B+

You have a zealous love for the English language, and many find your vocabulary edifying. Don't fret that you didn't get every word right, your vocabulary can be easily ameliorated!

How's Your Vocabulary?

I swear, I've got candidates calling me every hour or two. :-p

No matter how bad a state of mind you may get into, if you keep strong and hold out, eventually the floating clouds must vanish and the withering wind must cease.

-Dogen


That about sums up work right now...

Yesterday I get a certificate from the Accounting department in thanks for "being available to quickly solve our computer problems and issues, making sure people are back to work with little delay, and for always maintaining a truly positive attitude".

Today my boss says I'm answering too many calls, that I need to give out the more long-term and research-involved calls to others, and here's a bunch of projects we want you to do, including a newsletter and learning how to run EPO...

...so you don't have time to answer so many calls so quickly...

*rolls eyes*

Look into the sphere of birthless mind!
Let dawn the enjoyment of ceaseless play!
When free of hope and fear--that's the result.
Why speak of birth and death?
Come to the natural, unmodified state!

-Drinking the Mountain Stream: Songs of Tibet's Beloved Saint, Milarepa

I find it pathetic, when it's not rage-inducing, that neither my boss nor her boss trust their underlings to do work, and have to constantly harass, hound, and threaten with dicipline unless things are done.

Inpired while toweling dry from a shower:

Long lines of tissue
Up and down, across and back
Define who I am

*giggling madly*

I think Microsoft's been Slashdotted. ;-) I'm trying to download the new IE 7.0 release to test here at work, and my T3 is fighting to download it at 10KB a second. This may be the slowest 14MB download in a long time. ;-)

I am so fucking tired of being left out at work. Whether is lunches, meetings, just general knowledge, whatever. When shit work needs to be done, oh, I'm there. Otherwise, I'm not.

Everything's about to change at work, either for better or worse... our new VP & Chief Technology Officer starts Monday. I no longer believe in the platitude, "Things can't get worse," because believe me, they can. I just need to keep the following in mind...

There is no fire like greed and no crime like hatred. There is no sorrow like being bound to this world; there is no happiness like freedom.

-Dhammapada

I am professional. I am above petty politics. I get my work done and don't expect others to finish what I start. If he can't see that, then I will move on.

Lou Dobbs tells middle-class America to wake the fuck up

From the article...

Individual firms, corporations and national organizations spent a record $2.14 billion on lobbying members of Congress and 220 other federal agencies in 2004, according to PoliticalMoneyLine. That's nearly $6 million a day spent to influence our leaders. We really do have the best government money can buy.

So, did you contribute to that? I didn't think so...

Adventures in corporate stupidity...

We use a program called Shavlik to push out Windows and Office updates. It needs to be renewed every year, and it's going to come due in about 3 weeks. Last week I got in touch with Shavlik in order to start the process. Now, we're a multi-billion dollar commercial real estate company, but we don't have any kind of corporate credit card to pay for these things with, so we asked for a purchase order. We get it, fill it out, hand it to corporate accounting so they can cut a check.

Corporate accounting decided that they don't cut checks from POs anymore, they have to have an invoice. Shavlik needs a filled out PO to send an invoice. So, what do you think happened next?

If you said, "Corporate accounting sent Shavlik the PO so they could get an invoice," you would be WRONG.

Corporate accounting sent an email to my boss late Friday saying Shavlik needed a PO until they could send an invoice. Corporate accounting calls me today asking if I'd seen the email. I said yes, but the director is on vacation, how can I help? They want a PO. I said we gave them a PO. They said they'll make a copy of the PO and drop it by me so I can send it to Shavlik for them and get an invoice that they'll pay.

*headdesk*

NuclearPower is the home of 8-bit theater, a web comic that is rapidly becoming one of my favorites, if only because of the following punchline...



*dies of giggling*

I was putting together a music list to go to sleep to last night, and found that Dell had plunked a bunch of free music onto the hard drive. Most of it is crap, but there's been a couple of interesting things. One of them was a song by Guy Forsythe called "Long Long Time". Mostly it's him talking over the music, but it's an incredibly biting look at American society. The last line is this:

I wonder how the world sees us, rich beyond compare, powerful without equal? A spoiled 15 year old waving a gun in their face?

Yeah, basically, fuck you very much President Bush and Co....

When we are firmly established in nonviolence, all beings around us cease to feel hostility. When we are firmly established in truthfulness, action accomplishes its desired end.

When we are firmly established in integrity, all riches present themselves freely. When we are firmly established in chastity, subtle potency is generated. When we are established in nonattachment, the nature and purpose of existence is understood.

-The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali 2: 35-39

The Republicans:

They put an Arabian Horse Judge in charge of disaster management.
They put oil company lobbyists in charge of our energy policy.
They put Dubai in charge of our port security.
And they put a child predator in charge of the Committee for Missing and Exploited Children.
Who will you put in charge in November?

And the Broken Oaths meme:
"I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will faithfully execute the Office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States."

Repost. Remind. Remember.

How White and Nerdy Are You?

So after moping about it for way too long, I've grabbed myself by the scruff of the neck and started doing something about what's been making me most unhappy lately. I've got three vouchers for three Office certification tests, and I'm spending all my free time at work plowing through as much of the free online training as I can manage.

I'm still waiting for the shit to hit the fan where I am, but at least now I know where my path leads for the next couple of months.

*puts on my best Vampire Willow face*

Bored now...

Absolute best shitty translation EVER...

Publicons.de is a German page that does those neat little "Fan of" icon things that you see people use all over the place. I ran it though Google's translation thing just to get a better idea of what it does, and it spit out this wonderful bit of mis-translation...

Retarded treatment of Sponsoring inquiries
Between that 09.09.2006 and that 16.09.2006 it can come in the course of a revision of our Sponsoringsystems to delays in the completion of E-Mail inquiries. No message is lost, does not surprise you however please nevertheless not, if an answer takes time some days.

*falls over and dies laughing*

Hmmm, guess I should catch up...

1) Birthday went good, except for the Panthers getting their asses kicked by the Falcons. The final tally was: $20, a new coffee pot, "Sims 2", "Dragon Quest VIII", and a pasta cook book.

2) Been a bit down/out of it/sick since then. Part of it is my arthritis, part of it is my sinuses, and part of it is despising the people I work with. I'm doing what I can about all those situations.

3) New computer is amazing.

4) Buffy season 4 starts out like shit, but I'm told it gets better, so I'm hanging in there.

That's all I can think of for now.

*coming up for air*

Computer is working wonderfully, in the process of transferring and uninstalling and reinstalling and all that jazz. Be online when I can. :-)

There's something about J-Pop that is so inherantly joyful... I put on what little I have, mostly the incredible T.M.Revolution, and my mood immediately improves. I am a child of the 80's, so I'm probably remembering the pop radio music of those times, which had a similar feel.

"Sometimes I catch and hold
love and pain, tightly in my arms.
It will fade away, but
I will remember it... Always...."
- "Radical Dreamers", Yasunori Mitsuda

Hey, yo, these are some serious times that we living through
And a new world order is about to begin
You know what I’m saying?
Now the question is are you ready
For the real revolution
Which is the evolution of the mind?
If you seek then you shall find
That we all prove from the divine
You dig what I’m saying?
Now if you take heed
To the words of wisdom
That are written on the walls of life
Then universally we will stand
And divided we will fall
'Cause love conquers all
You understand what I’m saying?
This is a call to all you sleeping souls
Wake up, and take control of your own cipher
And be on the look out for the spirits tonight
Trying to steal your light
You know what I’m saying?
Look what beside yourself
For peace
Give thanks
Live life
And release
You dig me?
You got me
- "He Got Game", Public Enemy

Well, by this time next week, I should have a new home computer. This one is dying, and it was cheaper to buy another one than to repair and upgrade this 4 year old one. Looking forward to being able to Sim. ;-)

Guess who's getting that burning excruciating pain in her left shoulder again?

*sighs*

*eyeballs Vicodin*

*makes note to call doctor*

Today's Astronomy Picture of the Day does a very good job of illustrating our solar system and gives a good visual reason for the demotion of Pluto. Be warned, though... when it says click on the picture for a bigger version, they're not kidding: the original is 1.3MB, 6000+ x 3500ish pixels. Perfect for teaching aids, if you've got a big color plotter than can handle something like that.

Between August 7th and August 19th, I closed 235 help desk tickets and worked 17.5 hours of overtime.

No wonder I'm exhausted. :-p

On Normal difficulty, it took me 11 hours and 30 minutes to beat Dirge of Cerberus.

*lets that sink in*

This was disappointing. The story takes a left turn into WTF land during Chapter 11 and never comes back. There are some cringe-inducing, eye-rolling dialog and stuff that really trashes the FF VII gang at the end.

About the only real good thing was the introduction of Shelke, who is a rather interesting character... too bad she was mostly fan service and sicko jail bait (19 year old mind, 10 year old body! File this under "I'll pretend you said you were 19..."). :-p

I can take bits and pieces of this, mostly bits that are casually mentioned by various minor characters, and incorporate it into my personal writings, but man... I never thought I'd say this about a Final Fantasy game...

This suxx0red.

About 2 1/2 "chapters" into Dirge of Cerberus... mixed feelings so far:
- It's very pretty graphically.
- The voices are OK, although I still long for a Japanese subtitled version, since Vincent's voice is better, and admittedly I haven't had to hear Cid's south Texas drawl yet (rant pending, I'm sure).
- The controls are a pain in the butt. I think I have the difficulty with the targeting system mostly figured out (ramp up the speed and turn on automatic tartget locking), but for a shooting game it's rather inaccurate.
- I haven't seen enough of the story yet to make much of a judgement, but the new characters are fairly interesting.
- The music is very good... Masashi Hamauzu did some of my favorite tracks from FF X (Crisis, Challenge, Assault... notice a theme here? *grin*), and does an incredibly job with the whole score here. He ever made me like a Gackt song, which I had never thought would happen.

More updates on it as I go along... although I think I've figured out Weiss's secret already. ;-)

I don't get it... all of the gaming sites, SquareE's webpage, and even my local newspaper say Dirge of Cerberus comes out today. But... not really, according to the Game Stop store. It only ships today. It's not actually available until tomorrow.

So, why say it's out today?

Oi...

You never realize just how ambidextrous you are until you toast your bad shoulder during 11+ hours of weekend overtime...

If you want to know why I haven't been posting much lately... it's work. Here's an example from my weekly status report:

August 1 to August 7, I worked Tuesday, half of Wednesday, off Thursday, half of Friday, and all of Monday. In those basically 3 whole business days I opened and closed 94 help desk calls.

My co-worker can barely do one thing, and is completely incapable of multi-tasking OR remembering something you told him how to do the day before. My new boss is convinced she's overwhelmed, so I'm doing half of her job for her, and getting yelled at for it.

Meanwhile, I have a sinus and ear infection that won't clear up (wonder why?).

I'm stymied, creatively. I have this character in my head who desperately needs to be written, who deserves life, and I can't get her on the page because I'm too busy and too exhausted.

Meanwhile, Mom's been diagnosed with small vessel disease in her brain (and heart, too, probably) and fears she'll come down with dementia in the next 5 years. She'll be 61 Friday. So she's pushing for us to live together, and while that may work for her, it really would not work for me. But I feel guilt, because I really will be the one who'll have to take care of her since I don't have my own family, and my being sick just pushes her to push me more.

So... I'm snarly a lot. If you can't deal with that, don't try to talk to me, I cannot gaurentee I will always be my usual polite self.

I know, it's terrible that I should ask this but... can someone point me to where I can find cheats for NES roms? Specifically FF 3 (j)? I have gotten to one point where I literally cannot get past because the mobs split when you hit them and you can never run/escape from them. :-p

Otherwise, I'm OK...

Get your own spectral analysis from Area 23®

I need a new job.

After three good days of training, I've been here 3 hours, and I'm already so pissed off that I'm getting a migraine.

Clean bathroom: Check!
Clean laundry: Check!
Clean self: Check!

OK, I've gotten everything accomplished for the day, how about you? ;-)

Why the hell are politicians in my state such fucktards?

Charleston lawmaker says if he wanted to shoot utility workers, he would have killed them. Here's the full story as to what this moron is in trouble for.

*shakes head* Bad thing is that unless he is convicted and can't run for office, he'll likely just get voted right back in next time...

I've had to retreat the last couple of weeks in order to keep my sanity mostly intact. Between money woes, work stupidity, and the never-ending battle against manic-depression, I just wasn't worth being around.

I'm better than I was now. I've gotten more good sleep recently. Work has gotten even more interesting, with someone who has told other she doesn't like me now being my boss, but I'm willing to be the professional one. I still have no money, but I'm not killing myself over it now.

Life goes on.

Guess what?

My AC is shot. It's 81 in the house. The compressor fan won't turn. The system is ancient.

Anyone got a few to several thousand dollars lying around to replace it? Because I can tell you know that's what will need to happen.

No Dragon*Con this year. Or next, at the rate I'm going...

Self-control will place a man among the Gods,
While lack of it will lead him into deepest darkness.

-Tirukkural 13:121

Let there be nothing behind you; leave the future to one side. Do not clutch at what is left in the middle; then you will become a wanderer and calm.

-Sutta Nipata

Jenova's Witness

*falls out of the chair laughing*

Update: Martin's on his way home with Mom. They're not 100% sure if it was a mini-stroke or just a massive migraine, but the numbness in his face is receding. Mom will be with him until he can see the doctor, so she can make sure they know the family history.

I may not be around much for the next little while. My older half-brother Martin, who's 41, had a mini-stroke overnight and is in the hospital. My mom is on the way up there, but if it turns into a long-term hospital stay, I'll need to go up there and help with Josh and Caleb (5 and 4). I'll keep everyone informed.

Friday morning I went into the attic to open the vents, and grabbed a box that hadn't been claimed in 5 years. Finding nothing in there I wanted, I threw the box and everything in it into the trash.

Two days later, there's been no incriminations, no sudden calls and "Hey, I want to come by and get X". I think I'll press my luck with another box. :-p

Well, my cell phone battery won't hold a charge longer than 6 or so hours, so I guess I'm heading to the Verizon store after work to see what (if anything) they can (or will) do for me...

Or I'll just buy a new one. I'd like one that has the capability of using MP3s as ring tones, so I can make my own. But those tend to be $300, which I sure don't have.

Tim Hildebrandt has died.

You do know him. He's one half of the Brothers Hildebrandt. They're famous for the original Star Wars poster, most of the way we see the Lord of the Rings characters, and some of the most incredible bits of comic book card art in the 90's. The art world will never be the same.

Guess what? Alberto will be in my neighborhood in a few days.

I've been having a rather shitty week, but getting this has made my day. I won a contest sponsored by a Cindy Ngan (check her resume!), so I sent her a pic of me and a pic of Sephiroth, and told her to work her magic on it. I love the results. ;-)

ARG!

Interesting story or not, Chrono Cross is about to get sold back to the store. My reward for trying to save Kid when she's poisoned it getting my ass kicked 7 ways to Sunday in one battle after the other. The leveling system, or lack thereof, sucks and the magic system is a pain in the ass.

Bleh!

You scored as Jean Grey. Jean Grey is likely the most powerful X-Man. She loves Cyclops very much but she has a soft spot for Wolverine. She's psychic so she can sense how others are feeling and tries to help them. She also has to control her amazing powers or the malevolent Phoenix entity could take control of her and wreak havok. Powers: Telekinetic, Telepathic Jean Grey 75% Rogue 70% Cyclops 65% Storm 60% Beast 60% Wolverine 55% Colossus 45% Gambit 35% Emma Frost 35% Nightcrawler 35% Iceman 20% Most Comprehensive X-Men Personality Quiz 2.0 created with QuizFarm.com

Dear Hotmail,

Your Windows Live Mail sucks like a really sucky thing.

I think I'll configure Thunderbird to make it better.

Love,

Me

What is it about Passion, and Sanctuary, both from Kingdom Hearts II, both sung by Hikaru Utada, that always makes me tear up?

Bits of wisdom for you...

There is a benefit even in misfortune, for it is the rod
With which a man can measure the loyalty of friends.

-Tirukkural 80:796


In reply to the question, 'What is the best that people can possess, what brings them truest happiness, what is the sweetest of the sweet, and what is the pleasantest life to live?' the Buddha answered:

'Trust is the best that people can possess; following the way brings happiness; truth is the sweetest of the sweet; and the practice of insight is the pleasantest way to live.'


-Sutta Nipata

ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod

The second principal on "Buddy the Vampire Slayer" is QUARK FROM DS:9!!!

*dies* *repeatedly*

Blatantly stolen from Dawn...


The soundtrack of your life! Put your music player on random, no skipping, and put music to the following:

Opening Credits
REO Speedwagon - Roll With the Changes

Waking Up
Maasaki Endo - LIVE in Bagdad
Well, that'll bounce your butt out of bed in the morning, heavy metal from the "Cowboy Bebop" soundtrack.

An Ordinary Day
Aesop Rock - No Regrets
And she said:
'Look, I've
never had a dream in my life
Because a dream is what you
wanna do, but still haven't pursued
I knew what I
wanted and did it till it was done
So i've been the
dream that I wanted to be since day one!'
Fuck. Yeah.

Falling in Love
Yuki Kajiura - The Image Theme of Xenosaga II
Piffle. Spent the song looking for lyrics or a translation, but came up with nothing. The song is in Latin but with an almost Celtic feel.

The Rumble
Medicine - Time Baby III
From the first Crow soundtrack, and of course it's one of the slow songs. *sighs*

The Break-Up
Michael Kamen - Mutant School
From the first X-Men movie.

Getting Back Together
Nobuo Uematsu - The Place I'll Return To Someday
LOL! Even the title fits...

Life's Okay
The Chemical Brothers - Asleep from Day

The Mental Breakdown
Simple Red - Sad Old Red
OK, my WMP is scaring me now...

Cruising
Underground Resistance - Jupiter Jazz part 1
LOL! I have gone around town with my windows down and this blaring. I get weird looks... I don't understand why...

The Flashback
Phil Collins - Strangers Like Me
"I wanna know
Can you tell me
I wanna know about these strangers like me..."

The Frat Party
Tetsuya Shibata - Cerberus Appearance
Yeah, I'd approach a frat party with about as much dread as I'd approach a three-headed demon dog...

Everybody Dance Now
Nobuo Uematsu - Ride On
That... would be some weird dancing. ;-)

Regretting
Aerosmith - Dream On
*thunk* OK, how in the hell did my WMP pick that out?!?!?

The Long Night Alone
Pink Floyd - A Great Day for Freedom
"I dreamed you had left my side
No warmth, not even pride remained
And even though you needed me
It was clear that I could not do a thing for you"
(I swear, it's on random!)

A Death
Nobuo Uematsu - Boss Battle 1
From Chrono Trigger. OK, Dawn, which one of us has more Uematsu-san than should be allowed by law? ;-)

End Credits
Avril Lavigne - Forgotten
Ah ah ah ah
Ah ah ah ah
I'm giving up on everything
Because you messed me up
Don't know how much you
Screwed it up
You never listened
That's just too bad
Because I'm moving on
I won't forget
You were the one that was wrong
I know I need to step up and be strong
Don't patronize me
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

[Chorus:]
Have you forgotten
Everything that I wanted
Do you forget it now
You never got It
Do you get it now
Yea yea yea yea yea
Yea yea yea yea yea
Ah ah ah ah
Ah ah ah ah

Gotta get away
There's no point in thinking about yesterday
It's too late now
It won't ever be the same
We're so different now
Yea yea yea yea yea

[Chorus]

I know I wanna run away
I know I wanna run away
Run away
If only I could run away
If only I could run away
Run away
I told you what i wanted
I told you what i wanted
What I wanted
But I was forgotten
I won't be forgotten
Never Again

[Chorus (2x)]

Forgotten
Yeah yeah yeah
Forgotten
Yeah yeah yeah
Forgotten
Yeah yeah yeah
Forgotten
Yeah yeah yeah

(camera pans as I walk away from it)

Er, sorry. ;-)

I have spent the last 5 1/2 hours getting my ass kicked by a laptop.

Badly kicked.

Like, Horseman-style curb stomping kind of kicked.

*sigh*

Develop the mind of equilibrium. You will always be getting praise and blame, but do not let either affect the poise of the mind: follow the calmness, the absence of pride.

-Sutta Nipata


That is the hardest thing, believe me... but a worthy goal.

Woke up yesterday morning a bit feverish, with a sore throat and a bit of a dry cough. Since my sister came up with strep throat Thurseday and I saw her daughter, who had a juicy cough, that night, I figured that as much as I don't have the sick leave, I'd better stay home and rest it out, or I would miss a lot more than one day. Last year strep throat cost me an Urgent Care visit, IV fluids, and 3 days off from work. :-p

So I spent the day playing FF VII, and the following is some rambling as I try to work out Cloud and what he is, exactly.

Timeline-wise, we know things happen in this order:
1) Sephiroth is born, Lucrecia "dies", Vincent is turned from Turk into Vincent
2) Gast leaves Nibelheim and ends up in the frozen north, where he meets Ifalna, the last Cetra
3) Aerith is born, Hojo kidnaps her and Ifalna, Gast dies
4) Cloud is born

We know Cloud is a real person by the middle of the second disk of the game, when he and Tifa piece together his shattered persona in the Lifestream. But Hojo insists several times that Cloud is a Sephiroth clone, and a failed one at that. This confused the hell out of me for a while, but now I think I can say that the two are not contradictions.

For all that Rufus calls Hojo and second-rate scientist, I think it's pretty obvious that he's not. When Nibelheim happened (and boy, was "Last Order" a retcon or what?), Hojo's biggest experiment, his son Sephiroth, was gone, as well as a chunk of JENOVA. All he had left was the boy who had somehow managed to hurt Sephiroth, and he was in pretty bad shape, and a headless blob of JENOVA, which might or might not have been sentient. Wanting to save the boy so he could figure out how he was able to defeat the undefeatable, he jammed the broken body with JENOVA cells and Mako energy to try to save it.

Unfortunately, Cloud's mind could not handle it, and he was deamed a failure. So we end up with a broken-minded Cloud being rescued by Zack, who is eventually killed by Shin-Ra soldiers. When Tifa finds Cloud in Midgar, it's not until she says his name that he pulls himself together, but what he grabs is some weird combination of himself, Zack, and even Tifa. I have a feeling that the JENOVA cells made him a bit telepathic, and he picked up memories from the two people who cared for him and made them his own, even though that didn't fit, because it helped make him somewhat whole.

Please feel free to debate this with me... I'm sorta tossing this out there so I can get some things straight in my head for a bunch of FF related fan fiction.

There's nothing that'll put you in a better mood than watching 2 week old kittens crawl around. The biggest, a boy named Karl, is quite like a human baby at times. I held him a while, then when he wasn't noticably warmer than my hands, I put him back into the pile with his sisters (of the other 3, 2 are definitely girls). He rolled around his fat belly and mostly onto his back, then shook out one back leg, then looked at it.

"Yes, that's your leg."

He looked at it, then at me, then back at it while he shook it out some more. Then he put one front paw into his mouth and chewed on it a bit.

"Yes, that's your other leg, too."

After munching on his own toes a minute, he turned and munched on one of his sister's ears.

"Now, those are hers, be nice."

I love babies. :-)

Just fair warning, I have been in that mood since Wednesday morning... I'm tired of work, of having to work 9 hour days and Saturdays because I owe the hospital a stupid amount of money, of having to be nice to people and co-workers who are stabbing me in the back more often than not, etc.

I need to show "Advent Children" to my mother.

Not because she doesn't understand me...

...quite the opposite, she's the Crone of the Three who would truly understand me in this world...

... but because there is so much in this movie that would just further her knowledge of where I come from. Of things I say. Of why I rejected Christianity and embraced Zen Buddism.

She's going in for some colon tests on Monday, which means she goes through a lot of pre-op things I have done many, many times. I'll take this with me when I go visit her.

Drunken posting...

In "Advent Children", they make reference to "Jenova's memetic legacy". I had been meaning to look up memetic, but just now did because, being drunk off my ass, I need all the help I can get.

There was no "memetic" at Dictionary.com, but MImetic makes perfect sense in the context. Jenova's mimics.

Yeah. That. I can run with that. Makes absolute, complete sense once you've played FF VII.

i can't be cool - senza parole
i can't be cool - senza reagire
i can't be cool - perché so già che l'indifferenza
chiude le porte dell'umanità

(English)
i can' t be cool - without speaking
i can' t be cool - without reacting
i can' t be cool - because I know that indifference already
closes the doors of humanity
Ilaria Graziano "i can't be cool"

(i'm all about the random quotes today)

Dangerous consequences will follow when politicians and rulers forget moral principles. Whether we believe in God or karma, ethics is the foundation of every religion.
-His Holiness the Dalai Lama

People are born with
People are born without
Some people have
And others want what some go without
Some people live free
Some people just want more
As for me I got all that I need
Don't got much but I got what I need
Steve Conte "Could You Bite the Hand That Feeds"

Over in the link list is a new path to my profile over on 1UP.com, where you can giggle at how dorky I am and track what I'm playing. Enjoy. ;-)

Try to be reasonable in the way you grow, and don't ever think it is too late. It is never too late. Even if you are going to die tomorrow, keep yourself straight and clear and be a happy human being today. If you keep your situation happy day by day, you will eventually reach the greatest happiness of enlightenment.

-Lama Thubten Yeshe, The Bliss of Inner Fire

The judge in the sentencing trial of al Qaeda conspirator Zacarias Moussaoui reminded jurors Friday to avoid looking up words in the dictionary after learning a juror went on the Internet to find out what "aggravating" means.

*headdesk* *repeatedly*

I am probably one of the last people on the planet to start watching "Buffy the Vampire Slayer". The first two episodes were good, established faces and heels, got things going that they can milk for a while. The only weirdness was that Sarah what's-her-face doesn't look 16. I can work with not acting 16, power and responsibility do that to you, but she looks 20ish.

In bad news, my old MP3 player is finally done for. I plugged it in this morning to charge it up, and when I came back it didn't think it was plugged in. I turned it on, no juice, reset it, no juice. *sigh* So, I'll spend half of tomorrow going to various electronic places and seeing if I can find a decent 20GB machine that works well with Windows Media Player for not too much money. :-p

So I get Advent Children on my lunch break, and I am very good and don't even touch it while I'm at work. I bring it home, and figure I'd better watch the English dub once, so I can be knowledgable in my bitching about it. ;-)

RANDOM THOUGHTS:
- No translation of the opening Japanese in the English version???
- Wow, they expanded Marlene's opening speech significantly. It would probably help those who have never played FF VII a little.
- Um, OK, we have stoner Yazoo...
- BOO, dead giveaway on who the wheelchair man is in Kadaj's phone conversation
- LMAO at Barnett's voice
- They nailed Reno and Rude, though, I'll give them that much
- Rufus's voice is... odd, with weird hesitations
- "Cloud, you're an ex-Soldier, aren't you?" "...In my head..." *thunk* Well FUCK, they nailed that dead on.
- Tifa sounds like she's talking around a swollen tongue
- Kadaj's voice is going to take getting used to
- There are some new shots in this version... Cloud walking through the church was completely new
- "Dilly-dall shilly-shally..." What. The. FUCK????? That has to be the shittiest translation ever.
- Yazoo's constantly giggling during fights is not helping his stoner image
- Vincent's voice is good
- "You don't have a phone?" LOL at Marlene
- Yuffie almost sounds like Rikku, although if it's the same girl from KH2 they were two seperate people
- Loz did not just say, "You meanie!" *facepalm*
- GAAAAHHH, FUCKING CID IS FUCKING NOT FROM FUCKING TEXAS!!!!!
- "Where can I buy a phone?" *falls out of her chair* Damn, Vincent can be funny
- Cait Sith with a strong Scottish voice is weird, but sorta appropriate
- Um, Cait Sith just told Yuffie to shut up. Twice. And he wasn't torn to shreds by Red or Yuffie. This is... incredible wrong.
- "Good to see you again..." Oh hell yeah, Superman as Sephiroth works for me, let the ass-kicking commence!
- By the end Kadaj's voice actor had gotten the hang of the character and it worked better.
- Aerith was still as cringe-inducing as she was in KH2, but she talked less here

Well, not a bad dub, but not the best, either. I'll watch the sub this evening to see how many differences in dialoge I can spot.

Ajita asked: "What is it that smothers the world and makes it so hard to see? What is it that pollutes the world and seems to threaten it?"

The Buddha answered: "It is ignorance that smothers, and it is carelessness and greed that make it invisible. The hunger of craving pollutes the world, and the pain of suffering causes the greatest fear."

We still have 474 titles saved in your Queue. Try logging out and logging back in to see if this helps you view your full list.

Translation: CRAP! You noticed, we restored it. ;-p

Hey, if you have NetFlix, go check your queue. I was just in mine and it's missing 80 discs. :-p

A state lawmaker wants to ban the sale of sex toys.

Only in South Carolina... *headdesk*

I find the "Who I fight against" funny on very many levels, most of which only one other person on the planet would understand. ;-)

What Kind Of Superhero Are You? by electronicoffee
Your Username
Your First Name
Your Superhero Last Name	Lifeshine
Your Weapon	Bow of Darkness
Your 1st Superpower	Meta Sight [genetic sight]
Your 2nd Superpower	Magic [Shadow]
Your Weakness	Your Past
Who You Fight Against	Fallen Angels
Quiz created with MemeGen!

Just to prove how crazy genetics can be, the follow picture is me, and my almost 14 year old neice, who is my half-sister's oldest daughter.

Opening the freezer and finding the air temperature not much different from room temperature is not a good thing... *sigh*

*heads to Lowe's to add to her debt collection*

Well, I finished it.

The whole game is sweet, but never cloying. There's a lot of hope, and yeah, bad stuff happens and people die (*GASP* In a Disney thing?!?!?), but it's triumphant.

I didn't get the "secret" video at the end, and I think I missed one little scene during the credits since I didn't take on the optional boss. I'll definitely replay it on proud mode.

Yes, yes, I'm alive. Just been busy with work and gaming. Won't be around any more next week, have family from out of town that'll be taking up all my time.

*tiredly waves*

Adventures in training classes...

There's a woman here who has done noting but whine about how stupid some Outlook 2003 features are. Constant, mumbling whining. I sit behind her, and I'm slowly becoming tempted to throw something at her. :-p

Coming up for air... ;-)

I've left my notes for yesterday and today in the other room, I'll try to catch up tomorrow. But I am so enjoying this game. :-)

Don't forget to spring forward!