**How can you care?** 'Because I choose to.' **You make it sound so simple.** 'That's because it is simple. Hard sometimes, but simple.'

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Bit of a whine here, feel free to pass...

Can't sleep right now. I'd put myself back on Zoloft after getting out of the hospital the last time after 3 huge crying fits and one panic attack. When I got back home, I took myself off of it.

This morning, after having problems with some bleeding from my incision, I started it up again. A few hours ago I cleaned out the wound again and got some weird pain because of how things are connected, so I took a Vicodin to kill the pain and calm myself down.

Well, it killed the pain, anyways...

I figure I'll sit up for a bit, try to get my brain to shut the fuck up. Otherwise, I guess more drugs.

Monday, November 28, 2005

Me at work. Wand is because people seem to think I can read minds and magically fix things across long distances. ;-) Headphones are because co-worker listens to crappy music. :-p

Friday, November 25, 2005

Water - Dominant

You are a very
mellow person and just seem to flow from one
thing to another so easily... You have many
talents and succeed in most things you try...
Your moods seem to constantly change... You
long to be free and hate to be

Animagi form:

Most compatible with:
Least compatible
Song: The
Great Beyond - R.E.M


Are you an Obscure or Dominant Element?? {Great pics}
brought to you by Quizilla

Your Linguistic Profile:

55% General American English

20% Yankee

15% Dixie

10% Upper Midwestern

0% Midwestern


*huge sigh of relief*

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

One area starts to get better, so another area starts to swell.

Yes, another infection seems to be starting under the old scar. Yes, I just saw the surgeon yesterday. No, I am not going to call him, I'd rather not spend Thanksgiving in the hospital, thank you very much.

I'll just wait for it to pop and drain, then clean it out like everything else.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

After a few days of Cipro and a couple times of squishing pus out through the incision, the surgeon seems to be OK with it. I'll be on the Cipro for 10 days (joy). Maybe I'll get to go home someday. :-p

Saturday, November 19, 2005

Steps backwards instead of forwards... another infection has started. We're treating this one with Cipro, heating pads, and Vicodin.

So I'm still at Mom and Dad's, not home. I literally cannot take care of myself right now.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

So very tired right now. Mom snores when she doesn't have her bi-pap machine working, and I could hear her even through the door to the living room.

Can I go home now?

Monday, November 14, 2005

Eddy. Goddamnit!

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Friday, November 11, 2005

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

*slurping a peanut butter fudge shake from Sonic* Ah, the best part of being on a liquid diet. ;-)

Anyways, got a bunch of EOB's from the insurance company. After three hospital stays, I have FINALLY hit the $2,500 deductable.

No, we won't go there...

Hey, Tish, on the third try, the manage to get the IV in and it DIDN'T infiltrate!

Anyways, I'll be heading to Mom and Dad's house soon.

Thanks for everything, ya'll.
Well, I managed to dodge the major surgery bullet. Turns out that the infection was because the previous incision had closed too quickly, and something in there got bad. I'll be heading home as soon as the nurse tracks down the doctor to get the orders.

I won't be back to work right away, there is a drain in my pouch to keep the pressure off. Maybe Monday, I don't know. My paycheck will be short a couple of days, I'll just have to manage somehow.

Monday, November 07, 2005


More surgery.

Probably major surgery. The pouch's collar seems to be complete toast, which means a conversion to a standard colostomy. He won't know for 100% sure until he gets in there in a couple of hours, but we're pretty sure.

So, no more tight jeans (sorry, guys). No more tight anything.

It would mean I could eat more like a normal person again. I miss my salads, corn, etc.

I'll write more when I can. I told my boss that I could, technically, be out for 4 - 6 weeks (yes, weeks), so I'm begging him for a work laptop so I don't lose my job. Wouldn't that suck...

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Guess who has a fist-sized lump above her stoma, in the same area the surgeon opened up and stitched and supposedly fixed a couple of weeks ago?


Not in the hospital yet, my guy is on vacation and the other one wants to see me in his office to see if he can do anything there.

Saturday, November 05, 2005

I'm learning, albeit about 15 years too late, that I don't have to sacrifice myself for others.

I wonder, if I had learned it then, when ****** was sexually abusing me and I didn't tell my mother for fear of angering her, if things might have been different.

I simply don't have the strength anymore to turn myself off so that someone else feels better.

I think that's a good thing.

Friday, November 04, 2005

Rage issues the last 24 hours, and I don't know why. Got seriously pissed off at one friend, snapped at another one in an email this morning, and now I'm contemplating death and Meteors for a co-worker.

If I had time to take off, I'd do it and go play Diablo II or other kill games until I felt better.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Um, I outlined. A story. Well, a re-write of the story I wrote last year.

Why um? Because I always said I could never outline. So Someone decided to prove me wrong.

Also redid a few tracks of the soundtrack for it.

Wonder if I can resurrect another story with an outline?