**How can you care?** 'Because I choose to.' **You make it sound so simple.** 'That's because it is simple. Hard sometimes, but simple.'

Saturday, December 31, 2005

Seen a couple of people add questions to the below meme, so...

20-whatever: If you could change one thing, what would it be?
My incessant need to sacrifice myself.
Stole this from Dawn (see the list of people I bother). Is long, am drunk, so hang in there.

1. You have $10 and need to buy snacks at a gas station; what do you buy?
Couple bottles of water, some SweeTarts, a microwave burrito (most brands are surprisingly good), gum, Skittles, and some of those little powedered donuts.

2. If you had to be reincarnated as some sort of sea-dwelling creature, what would you be?
Blue whale, since no-one knows much about them, so I wouldn't be bothered much.

3. Who's your favorite redhead?
Dawn and Janice are my two favs.

4. What do you order when you're at a pancake house?
This is boring, but usually pancakes. They usually have special kinds that I can't possibly make at home.

5. Do you own any... naughty toys?

6. Have you made out with anyone on your (LiveJournal) friends list?

7. Describe your favorite pair of underwear:
My cotton blue and white and green stripped thong. It's very comfortable.

8. Describe the last time you were injured:
Last night I got a paper cut on my pinkie opening the $222 electric and gas bill.

9. Are there any odd things that make you feel comfortable?
The smell of pipe tobacco (Dad smoked a pipe until I was 6 or so). Clean cotton undershirt. Cats purring in the bed while I fall asleep.

11. Tell me a weird story from your high school years:
Heh. I would tell the saga of George, how he came in the middle of my junior year and swept me off my feet, and the arguing we always did, and the things we did at school that we would have gotten thrown out for. I haven't heard from him in years, I hope he's happy somewhere...

12. What is the wallpaper on your cell phone?
*double-checks* It's one of the factory ones, a dolphin leaping out of the water in front of a schooner.

13. Soda?
Don't drink it anymore. Carbonation and my pouch do not get along.

14. Flavor of pudding?
Banana, chocolate, pistachio

15. What type of shirt are you wearing?
Blue cotton short-sleeved shirt.

16. Prescription medication?
500mg of Cipro twice a day, 50mg of Zoloft once a day, Vicodin as needed.

17. If you could use only one form of transportation for the rest of your life, what would it be?
Tessering. Oh, go read A Wrinkle in Time.

18. How many people are on your (LiveJournal) friends list?
Um... without checking, I think 3 or 4.

19. How many people on your LiveJournal) list do you know in real life?
This is an interesting question, because it seems to assume that talking to someone over the Internet is not meeting them in real life. I have not met any of them face to face. I know one of them very well, and she knows me very well, and we'd fall into each other's arms like sisters if we ever met. How's that?

20. What are you listening to right now?
"Kingdom Hearts" music, since I left it on pause to go to the bathroom, then decided to sit in front of the computer for a little bit and found this, and decided to answer it.

21. Most recent movie you watched?
The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe

22. Name 5 things you have with you at all times:
Intubating catheter. Cell phone. Keys. Wallet. Pens.

23. Would you rather give or receive a foot massage?
Receive. I'm a little selfish like that. ;-) I give good shoulder and neck massages, though.

24. Name a teacher you had the hots for:
My college chemistry professor. He named me as one of the Corner of Insanity, and I loved him for it. He also gave us a good hang-over prevention formula.

25. What is a saying that you use a lot?
"I'll do it." (At work.) "CAT!!!" (when they knock over something)

26. What's one piece of advice that you think should be passed on to every child?
Don't be afraid of change.

27. Would you escape where you are to live the rest of your life in the place or time of your choice (and that would be....), if it meant you could never return?
... ... No. In my stories, I always return home, wiser for the journey.

Thursday, December 29, 2005

I need more surgery.

The x-rays showed another fistula, so the doctor needs to go in and repair it.

It'll happen sometime in January.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

I'll be seeing the doctor tomorrow.

I'm OK, just tired, physically and mentally.

Playing "Kingdom Hearts" is good distractions, tho... wish I had more time off to take. :-p

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Just wanted folks to know that I'm at work. I may not be in the best place mentally right this instant, but I'll be OK eventually.

Monday, December 26, 2005

OK, got a hold of the surgeon on his personal cell phone. Poor guy has a cold. He called the hospital, but they're on a skeleton crew and the x-ray technician lady (I know who he's talking about, she's incredible) is not in. Since I'm not in pain until I mess with the lump, he's keeping me on antibiotics in the hope that this will calm down. I am to call him immediately if anything changed, and to call Wednesday regardless. He wants to avoid surgery if possible. I want to try to hold stuff off until the first of the year, since my leave will reset (80 hours sick, 88 hours personal).

We'll see what happens.
There seems to be one final "Fuck you" from 2005 growing in the old familiar place.

Hopefully, I'll be able to get a hold of my surgeon. I've already started taking Cipro.

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Just to add insult to injury, the pink eye has caused a sty. This sucks. :-p

Tuesday, December 20, 2005


You know, I REALLY ought to know to be more careful what I wish for... I didn't really want to go in to work, so what happens? I get a bad case of pink eye in my left eye.

No work yesterday, and no work today, it's still swollen and sore and trying to look at the computer screen hurts after a while. :-p

Monday, December 19, 2005

Watched the Panthers clobber the Saints, then watched the Redskins absolutely maul the Cowboys, then got a great pork chop for dinner, so it was a very good Sunday.

Now I have to go back to work. Faaaahhhhkkkkk...

Friday, December 16, 2005

Just another day
The shame is gone
Hard to believe
That I let it go away

Lacuna Coil, Swamped
Flowers in bloom pray to Gods,
Lamenting over their being in this world of life.
Their dreams having faded away,
Flower grieve and fall.

Kenji Kawai, Kugusuuta ura mite chiru (translated)
Calling, calling now
From the place of knowing
There's more than what can be linked
Calling, calling now
Never will I look away
For what life has left for me
Yearning, yearning
For what's left of loving

Origa, Inner Universe
Jenn is finishing off the vodka, celebrating three things:

1) Surgeon told her to get out of his office and never come back (in other words, the hole and gash are fine)
2) The haircut
3) Sweet Thing is OK, we went to the vet and the reason his belly feels hard is because he's a little constipated.

What are you celebrating? Or would celebrate, if you could?


The missing 12 inches went to Locks of Love.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

I'm getting started on my New Year's resolution a little early... I'm deleting music from my hard drive.

Now, that doesn't sound like much, but my resolution is to get rid of things I don't want. I have a problem sometimes getting rid of stuff, especially if I think I got it to make my parents happy. I have clothes I've never worn, because they look like what Mom wore when she worked for the IRS. I need to bag those and give them to the Salvation Army.

It all stems from being convinced while growing up that I had to be the perfect, best, sacrificing one, to the point where I kept silent about the sexual abuse I suffered through. I'm 30 now, I need to let go of some things. So, my plan is to go around the house and touch everything. If I can't come up with a good reason for why I have it and why I should keep it, it's going out.

Who knows, by the time I'm ready to get a new house in a few years (don't need this huge yard), I may only need two bedrooms...

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

I'm trying out a memory card reader here at work, and brought in the thing from my digital camera, and found these little gems...

New Raven picture, in her Thanksgiving pilgrim outfit that Mom made.

My younger sister Becca and my Dad.

Bageera, Mom and Dad's black cat.

Desert Night, the runt of a batch of kittens Mom fostered. Unfortunately, she didn't make it, she had a liver shunt and had to be put to sleep.

Yeah, we're scared. Of a puffed up 1 pound kitten. See us run?

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Just when I was feeling pretty OK about my state, the headlines of the newspaper read, "S.C. biology standards in limbo"

A proponent of teaching various theories of human origin, which include creationism, gained support Monday from the state’s public school reform oversight panel.

*headdesk* *headwall* *lather, rinse, repeat*

Monday, December 12, 2005

Another Last.fm chart, now that I found a template big enough to actually see the track names. ;-) Slightly obsessive, no? Most are from Kenji Kawai's excellent soundtrack to Ghost in the Shell 2: Innocence.

Been healing good. Hole is closed, gash is getting there. Feel better than I have in a while, which is nice, although sometimes I don't quite know what to do with myself. ;-)

Saw "Narnia" over the weekend with Janice and Jim. Holy Gods, it was great! Go see it, they don't beat you over the head with the Christian references, it's just a beautifully filmed story about growing up and the sacrifices you make as you do.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Added Jim to my buddies (Hey sweetie!)

Found out completely by accident a few days ago that my old Audioscrobbler account was still active, and had been transfered to Last.FM when they bought out Audioscrobbler (or merged with them, or whatever). The graphic on the side is the list of my most listened to artists for the week, and will probably always contain a lot of Japanese characters. ;-)

But as my MP3 player gets more and more insane in it's old age, I'll be moving more of my MP3 collection here to work, so it should change up a bit. For the longest, I've only really had instrumentals (ie game and anime music and some soundtracks) here. Now, since the person who wanted it that way is gone and I don't particularly care if my office-mate likes or doesn't like what I listen to, I'll bring everything in.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

All tracks, random, out of 1251...

1) Rob Zombie - "Demon Speeding"
2) Nobuo Uematsu - "Cid's Theme" (FF IX)
3) Boston - "We Can Make It"
4) Dietrich Buxtehude - Choral "Nun freut euch lieben Christen g'mein"
5) Metallica - "No Leaf Clover"
6) Taku Iwasaki - "Alone Again"
7) Trans-Siberian Orchestra - "Appalachian Snowfall"
8) Trans-Siberain Orchestra - "The World That She Sees"
9) Evanescence - "Haunted"
10) Klaus Badelt - "Underwater March"
11) The Black Mages - "The Rocking Grounds (FF III)"
12) Nobuo Uematsu - "Wall of the Sacred Beasts" (FF IX)
13) The Union Underground - "Natural High"
14) Brian Tyler - "Inama Nushif (Montage)"
15) Jonathan Elias - "Movement 8: Benediction"

I know, I know, that's about half of the normal track count. I think my MP3 player is losing it's mind, or it's too old for the new version of MusicMatch to properly handle, because it keeps saying it's done synching even though it's not. :-p I can't even manually add playlists, it starts then says it's done.

Monday, December 05, 2005

Saw the surgeon again today, in my ongoing weekly checkups of this gash and hole. Today I even prepared, because I wanted to show him a trick the hole does: if you take a syringe and squeeze about .5cc's of peroxide in, it bubbles up real good and burns like hell above the gash.

He watched it, then said, "That's good, keep doing it."


Thursday, December 01, 2005

There is no mental health problem that a liberal application of Dove Dark Chocolates cannot fix. ;-)

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Bit of a whine here, feel free to pass...

Can't sleep right now. I'd put myself back on Zoloft after getting out of the hospital the last time after 3 huge crying fits and one panic attack. When I got back home, I took myself off of it.

This morning, after having problems with some bleeding from my incision, I started it up again. A few hours ago I cleaned out the wound again and got some weird pain because of how things are connected, so I took a Vicodin to kill the pain and calm myself down.

Well, it killed the pain, anyways...

I figure I'll sit up for a bit, try to get my brain to shut the fuck up. Otherwise, I guess more drugs.

Monday, November 28, 2005

Me at work. Wand is because people seem to think I can read minds and magically fix things across long distances. ;-) Headphones are because co-worker listens to crappy music. :-p

Friday, November 25, 2005

Water - Dominant

You are a very
mellow person and just seem to flow from one
thing to another so easily... You have many
talents and succeed in most things you try...
Your moods seem to constantly change... You
long to be free and hate to be

Animagi form:

Most compatible with:
Least compatible
Song: The
Great Beyond - R.E.M


Are you an Obscure or Dominant Element?? {Great pics}
brought to you by Quizilla

Your Linguistic Profile:

55% General American English

20% Yankee

15% Dixie

10% Upper Midwestern

0% Midwestern


*huge sigh of relief*

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

One area starts to get better, so another area starts to swell.

Yes, another infection seems to be starting under the old scar. Yes, I just saw the surgeon yesterday. No, I am not going to call him, I'd rather not spend Thanksgiving in the hospital, thank you very much.

I'll just wait for it to pop and drain, then clean it out like everything else.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

After a few days of Cipro and a couple times of squishing pus out through the incision, the surgeon seems to be OK with it. I'll be on the Cipro for 10 days (joy). Maybe I'll get to go home someday. :-p

Saturday, November 19, 2005

Steps backwards instead of forwards... another infection has started. We're treating this one with Cipro, heating pads, and Vicodin.

So I'm still at Mom and Dad's, not home. I literally cannot take care of myself right now.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

So very tired right now. Mom snores when she doesn't have her bi-pap machine working, and I could hear her even through the door to the living room.

Can I go home now?

Monday, November 14, 2005

Eddy. Goddamnit!

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Friday, November 11, 2005

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

*slurping a peanut butter fudge shake from Sonic* Ah, the best part of being on a liquid diet. ;-)

Anyways, got a bunch of EOB's from the insurance company. After three hospital stays, I have FINALLY hit the $2,500 deductable.

No, we won't go there...

Hey, Tish, on the third try, the manage to get the IV in and it DIDN'T infiltrate!

Anyways, I'll be heading to Mom and Dad's house soon.

Thanks for everything, ya'll.
Well, I managed to dodge the major surgery bullet. Turns out that the infection was because the previous incision had closed too quickly, and something in there got bad. I'll be heading home as soon as the nurse tracks down the doctor to get the orders.

I won't be back to work right away, there is a drain in my pouch to keep the pressure off. Maybe Monday, I don't know. My paycheck will be short a couple of days, I'll just have to manage somehow.

Monday, November 07, 2005


More surgery.

Probably major surgery. The pouch's collar seems to be complete toast, which means a conversion to a standard colostomy. He won't know for 100% sure until he gets in there in a couple of hours, but we're pretty sure.

So, no more tight jeans (sorry, guys). No more tight anything.

It would mean I could eat more like a normal person again. I miss my salads, corn, etc.

I'll write more when I can. I told my boss that I could, technically, be out for 4 - 6 weeks (yes, weeks), so I'm begging him for a work laptop so I don't lose my job. Wouldn't that suck...

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Guess who has a fist-sized lump above her stoma, in the same area the surgeon opened up and stitched and supposedly fixed a couple of weeks ago?


Not in the hospital yet, my guy is on vacation and the other one wants to see me in his office to see if he can do anything there.

Saturday, November 05, 2005

I'm learning, albeit about 15 years too late, that I don't have to sacrifice myself for others.

I wonder, if I had learned it then, when ****** was sexually abusing me and I didn't tell my mother for fear of angering her, if things might have been different.

I simply don't have the strength anymore to turn myself off so that someone else feels better.

I think that's a good thing.

Friday, November 04, 2005

Rage issues the last 24 hours, and I don't know why. Got seriously pissed off at one friend, snapped at another one in an email this morning, and now I'm contemplating death and Meteors for a co-worker.

If I had time to take off, I'd do it and go play Diablo II or other kill games until I felt better.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Um, I outlined. A story. Well, a re-write of the story I wrote last year.

Why um? Because I always said I could never outline. So Someone decided to prove me wrong.

Also redid a few tracks of the soundtrack for it.

Wonder if I can resurrect another story with an outline?

Monday, October 31, 2005

Updated the top quote. That's a small part of something I wrote, a hypothetical conversation between me and someone else.

Also updated the links.


Friday, October 28, 2005

Exxon Mobile shatters records for profits and sales

Exxon Mobil Corp. rewrote the corporate record books Thursday as its third-quarter profits soared to almost $10 billion and it became the first public company ever with quarterly sales topping $100 billion.

$10 billion in profit.

Think on that a minute...

Now, do you still think the gas prices are because of low reserves?

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Had a follow-up with the surgeon yesterday afternoon. He pokes around the incision for a minute, then says, "Wow, you're healing fast." "That's why I scar so bad," I mutter. He pokes around a bit more, then asks, "Are you steal cleaning it with the 25% peroxide?" I nod, thinking that yes, I still can stick a Q-tip in the hole the abcess created and not see the head of it. Another bit of poking around, then he asks, "Are you in any pain?" "There's a couple of sore spots, but nothing bad. My arm is worse."

He looks at my left arm, which is still quite painful from the IV. "Basically it's a chemical burn. Take ibuprophen." Then he shoos me out the door and tells me not to come back.

I'm still not driving because of said pain in my left arm. I figure if I can't hold a coffee mug in that hand, I'm sure not going to try to work a steering wheel with it. But I'm getting better day by day.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

2,327 files on the MP3 player now... hit random...

1) Stone Temple Pilots "Piece of Pie"
2) Eminem "Square Dance"
3) Noriko Matsueda and Takahito Eguchi "Chocobo"
4) John Lennon "Imagine"
5) Nobuo Uematsu "Those Who Fight (piano version)"
6) Trans-Siberian Orchestra "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen"
7) Oleander "Are You There?"
8) Noriyuki Asakura "Kaoru to Misao (piano version)"
9) Yoko Kanno "Piano Black"
10) Eminem "My Name Is"
11) Public Enemy "Don't Believe the Hype"
12) Mannheim Steamroller "Kling, Glockchen"
13) Masashi Hamauzu "Thunder Plains"
14) Fiona Apple "Fast as You Can"
15) Kaze no Orchestra "Fantasia of the Wind (instrumental version)"

Some random thoughts...

- Gah yah, holiday music!!! (hits the forward button)
- Poor Eminem... he fell like he always said he would, with addiction problems. I hope he can get himself straight, if only for his daughter's sake.
- Gotta get my hands on the new Fiona Apple album
- 6 tracks from anime and games... addicted much, am i?

Monday, October 24, 2005

64 degrees in the house when I came in, so on goes the heat (it's set at 65) and up go the bills. *sigh*

Pulled out the comforter, and need to find the snug sack for the office chair.

Made it through the work day without too much problem. The pain in my arm from the stupid IV seems to be getting better, until Kahvi decides to head-butt it. *sighs again, takes Vicodin*

Sunday, October 23, 2005

If I ever find out who just called my home phone, then hung up when I answered...

Awake now. Grrrr....

Saturday, October 22, 2005

Good NetFlix screaming: They have Advent Children in their list!!

Bad NetFlix screaming: The have removed about 4 movies from my queue and stuck them down in "Availability - Unknown" land. Now I have to go rework my queue...
Hey ya'll,

I'm out of the hospital. He did some minor surgery Wednesday and fixed the fistula that's been causing all my problems the last couple of months.

I'm in a little pain from the infiltrated IV (as usual), and from the mile and a half of packing he removed from the incision yesterday, but otherwise OK. I'll catch up on emails as my hand let's me type a little more. :-p

Thanks for the calls and thoughts. :-)

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Update: Heading to the big house, the doctor wants to nick the infected area and put a fistula-cam in there, to see if he can find what's causing it and close it off. If he can't find it, he'll wake me up and we'll discuss other things.

See ya'll later. Feel free to call or email.
Guess who's running a bit of a fever?

Who has redness around where the abcess was?

Who has heat and tenderness above the stoma?

Guess who's ready to cry and scream and fucking give up on this fucking pouch and resign myself to 30+ years of skin conditions with a regular bag?

Saturday, October 15, 2005

YAY!! Wal-Mart's replacing my lenses for free, and even gave me $21.20 back because we took the "No Glare" coating off!

Off to celebrate with Albel Nox, Square Enix's latest iteration of the psycho but broken bad bishi boy...

Thursday, October 13, 2005

I'm going to post pictures of myself I don't like as much, because I need the prod to get eating better.

Too much face... just too much.

I played a lot of pool in college. Unfortunately, I left all my mad skillz behind in college, because I got my ass handed to me in this game. :-p

Fear the hair ;-)

A full on frontal, showing that the first place those extra pounds head to is my face. Yeesh. Cut back on the salt and snacks, says I.

More hair. Lots more hair. ;-)

This is me, completely not impressed with the exercises we were going to have to do.
My glasses are giving me hell. I suppose that's what I get for buying cheap plastic lenses from Wal-Mart, but sheesh... something keeps happening to the coating on them, they keep getting white/cloudy spots on them. When this happened a month or so ago, the manager of the eye center accused me of using chemicals in my hair, my job, etc., but did replace them for free. I'm not counting on her being so nice this time around.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

From CNN...

-- Informant in Iraq admits information about a terror plot against New York subway was a hoax, sources tell CNN.

OK, nothing else here, move along...

Monday, October 10, 2005

Sorry for the blow-up in the last post, but I had put over 40 hours into that game... *sigh* I've started over, and I'm already doing better than before because of all the notes I've put into the mostly useless BradyGames hintbook I spent $16 on...

The problem is that SCE&G frequently drops power in my neighborhood, either for a second or for a few hours. And now they want to increase the gas prices to heat our homes by about 50% (which in my case means about $75 - $100 more per month). So I tend to get very upset at them. :-p

Saturday, October 08, 2005

Cover your ears...


FUCK, now I have to start over. :-( Fucking power company, likes to blink the power for no fucking reason. Fucktards. Damnit.

Friday, October 07, 2005

Wow. Got paid, paid my bills, paid off one doctor from August, put money in my savings account for the first time in months, and I STILL have almost $80 left. That means I won't have to put groceries on a credit card for the first time in a while. Yay!

Work's been insanely busy... my co-worker can't seem to hold more than a couple of thoughts in his head at one time and gets overwhelmed very easily, so after 2 days of my being gone he was at a complete loss. Luckily I have come back and gotten almost completely caught up on everything.

I probably won't talk much more about the hospital stay... Sunday morning was very surreal and, when the abcess burst, very disgusting, and not something I want to dwell on.

Still playing a lot of "Star Ocean". Just incredible stuff.

Also still listening to a lot of "Advent Children". Also very incredible stuff. ;-)

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

One burst 3cm by 7cm abcess later...

I'm out of the hospital now, doing good. Managed to avoid IV problems this time around, too. ;-)

I'll tell more later, I'm on Mom's dial up.

Sunday, October 02, 2005

FUCk fuck fuck fuck fuck

I'm heading back to the hospital, a huge mass of something has developed under the scar. Doctor wants to get me back on IV antibiotics in the hope it'll drain or something.

FUCKity fuck fuck fuck fuck

Saturday, October 01, 2005

Advent Children, in a nutshell

*much giggling*
a Man with No Name
You scored 7 Honor, 6 Justice, 8 Adventure, and 2 Individuality!

It's one thing to be a gunslinger. It's another to wander into town,
leave nothing but a trail of those who'd try your skill and take the
town's gratitude and cash with you. Hero or villan? It's all in how you
look at it and whose side you're on.

Cigar in your teeth and colt on your hip, you are ready to step into the hazy desert horizon. You'll do just fine.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 38% on Ninjinuity
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 73% on Knightlyness
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 76% on Cowboiosity
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 5% on Piratical Bent
Link: The Cowboy-Ninja-Pirate-Knight Test written by fluffy71 on Ok Cupid

Thursday, September 29, 2005

black cat
You are a black cat, stubborn yet friendly, you
stick to your values and preferences, and no
one can convince you otherwise! You are the
legendary cat of mystery.

What color of cat are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

We had a black cat, her name was Merlyn. She died... wow, has it been over 5 years? Something like that. She was 13 at the time, and the cancer that didn't get her the first time got her the second, poor thing. She was definitely Dad's cat.
Never thought you'd headbang to "One Winged Angel"?

Guess again. ;-)
I'm doing a good bit better. The swelling and redness is way down from yesterday.

And Goldeneye's vet gave me some drops to put in his ears, and there's already some improvement. He's not been digging in them at all.

And squeeing fan girl moment... Uematsu-sensei is so fucking awesome oh my god the Advent Children soundtrack shriek!!!1111


OK, now that I've gotten that out my system... Wow. Just wow. This is an incredible collection of music, completely new and fresh and unlike most of his previous stuff.

Dave, bear with me another day or two, I'm'a re-do your game music CD to include a couple of these tracks.

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

I'm home, on Augmenten 3 times a day for the next 10 days. We think we've caught it in time.
Off to a doctor.

Hope I'll be back soon.
Yup, the infection's back.


Calling the doctor in an hour, seeing if we can drain it instead of hospitalization.

Also, Goldeneye has an ear infection and needs to get to the vet. Calling him in an hour, too.


Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Running a fever.

Noticing some warmth in that same spot from last month.

Taking antibiotics given the last time.

We'll see...

Saturday, September 24, 2005

The reason I have that soundtrack on continuous replay is because most of it fits my Sephiroth arc to well, from start to finish.

I know, ya'll don't understand me now. It's OK. I'll write it down so those of my neices and nephews, however many grands they are, understand.
OK, OK, since I'm so drunk I'll be up all night.

AIM is Jenn091075
MSN is jlsigman@hotmail.com

Go for it. ;-)
*drunkenly singing*

Hitohi-hitoyo ni Tsuki wa terazutomo
Kanashimi ni nuetori naku

A ga kaerimi suredo
Hana wa chirinu beshi

Nagusamuru kokoro wa
Kenuru ga gotoku

Aratayo ni Kamu tsudoite
Yo wa ake
Nuetori naku

Saku hana wa
Kami ni koinomu
Ikeru yo ni
A ga mi kanashimo
Ime wa kenu
Ura mite chiru

From Ghost in the Shell 2: Innocence

The english translation is fucking deep. The title is "Flowers Grieve and Fall" Hang on, let me go grab it from Kenji Kawai's webpage...

(fuck, I'm going to have to type this, it's a PDF file)

Through Day and Night, the Moon not coming
In grief, Nue will sing.
Flowers wil fall away,
The heart of solace having withered.
In a new world, Gods will decend.
The dawn will break and Nue will sing.
Flowers in bloom pray to Gods,
Lamenting over their being in this world of life,
Their dreams having faded away,
Flowers grieve and fall.
Woo, holy fuck, I'm drunk.

To my Goddess, who is as sweet and biting as the vodka I drink.

*raises shot glass*

*knocks it back*

You know you're a writer when... you're writing the novelization of the movie you're watching in your head.
Another drunken observation: I normally consider "One Winged Angel" Uematsu's weakest piece of music. In the game it's incredibly pretensious and downright awful. I started to change my opinion when I went to the Final Fantasy concert in Atlanta earlier this year. Live, with an orchestra, surrounded by a couple thousand fellow FF fans marking out, it's a different experience. The rock/orchestra version in the movie may just be the version that makes me like it despite myself.
Drunken observation: Kadaj's summoning, what I saw in print called Bahamut Sin, has the face of a Jem-Hadar from Deep Space Nine.

Carry on. ;-)
Two things have taken over my life recently:

1) Star Ocean: 'Till the End of Time
Another incredible SquareEnix RPG. Great graphics, great music, great storyline. So far my only complaint is that the English voice track was not mixed in properly and is often drowned out by the music.

2) Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children
With GameStop telling me it won't be released until January, I went ahead and downloaded a fan-sub. Two words: Holy shit! I still need the full-screen version (the one I downloaded is rather small), because I know I'm missing the little details Square is famous for not overlooking. But it's INCREDIBLE... the sheer brutality of the Loz/Tifa fight leaves me breathless every time. Kadaj is incredibly sympathetic, and Sephiroth... well, he is his normal insane self.
What I found most mind-blowing was how much the fanfic I wrote last year resembles this. It will only take some editing here and there to put it in the continuity after this. I can't wait to try to start that.

But first... *points to the vodka bottle* Be back later. ;-)

Friday, September 23, 2005

*bows deeply*

I'm sorry.

*bows again*

I have no reasons, only excuses.

I'm OK. Things are going OK personally, but badly at work. I need to remember the litany against fear more often, and throw out the unneeded things more routinely.

Jeremy Lopez, I hope you're safe in Texas.

Jeannie, my thoughts are with you. Hang in there. Feel free to throw the humans out and snuggle with Worf as often as needed.

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Thanks to my health insurance policy not applying most doctor's visits to my deductable or out of pocket max, I'm probably looking at $2,800 in hospital bills.

I've planned out my paychecks from now until the end of the year, and I don't think anyone's getting Christmas presents, unless I work an assload of overtime.

Money really IS the root of all evil... *sigh*

Saturday, September 10, 2005

Sorry I haven't updated more about Dragon*Con, but the last couple of days have been full of stupid drama at work. But now, despite what the guy who left might think, it is over because he's gone.

Today's my birthday! I'm 30 now. I've gotten small, thoughtful gifts this year, which is great. But, since I am part hobbit (and I have the furry toes to prove it), I will share presents on my birthday, too.

These were made HERE!

(edit: Sorry, Blogger doesn't seem to want to do the "Upload to blogger thing" today)
Image hosted by Photobucket.com
Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Top one is me at work (hence the dungeon). Bottom one is the best I could make a Lego Sephiroth.

Now, if you'll excuse me, there's whiskey to be drunk on this day. ;-)

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Work drama. Lots and lots of work drama. Will not discuss it here.

OK, here's Friday... I'll do this a bit at a time as the drama allows. :-p

Can't talk about Friday without mentioning Thursday evening. Remember my post about how scatter-brained I was? That continued... I got home, packed, and got an hour into the hour and a half drive to Janice's house when I realized that I had left my Dragon*Con pre-registration postcard, schedule, and Jedi cloak at home. I turn around while leaving a message on Janice's cell phone that included the f-word at least 5 times. She calls back laughing (which I completely deserved) and says we can meet in Augusta in the morning.

So, in the morning, I dress up as a Jedi, and leave the house around quarter to 7am. Zoom down the interstate, being passed by a former co-worker and his current co-worker wife, also heading to Dragon*Con. Wait for Janice in one of Augusta's Park and Ride facilities, which was completely trashed. She gets there about 30 minutes late, we eat at IHOP, and down the road we go.

Downtown Atlanta is... *sigh* It's very pretty. It's very hard to navigate. It's full of people who sleep out in the parks and openly rummage through the trash, but you never really feel threatened. We found our hotel, a block from the main convention sight, but the parking garage for it was already full, so my car spent the weekend on the curb right outside the lobby. After a room snafu (they tried to give us a room with only one bed), we got unloaded and ready to go. The problem with Jedi is that they have no pockets, so the intubating catheter was tucked into my undies, while my room key, ID, and money got stuffed into my bra (I'm small, there's plenty of room).

We almost couldn't find the Hilton, managing to go in the wrong direction a couple of times. But we found the food court of a mall-like place, which is always good to know. Finally, we get to registration and get registered. I see my former co-worker and current co-worker again, who have to ask what I'm dressed as. Um, did the cloak and the big fake lightsaber handle not give a clue? Anyways, Janice and I compare notes and part ways.

Noon - Gundum SEED episodes 1 - 3
It took me forever to find the room (though I must have passed the room twice), and by the time I got there they were showing episode 3. I understood nothing of what was going on or why things were happening, so I didn't stay long. I have one of the many iterations of this anime in my NetFlix queue, so I'll catch it then.

1pm - TOR 40th Anniversary of Dune party
Met Louis (Hi Louis!) before going in, and hung out with him for this. We got food and drinks and free stuff (I got a copy of The Battle of Corrin)afterwards. Kevin J. Anderson gave a good speech about Frank Herbert and Dune and stuff he and Brian are planning for the future. Unfortunately, I have not been at all impressed with any of the book they've written, which does not bode well for them wrapping up the original series as they plan to.

Went back to the hotel for Advil and coffee.

5:30pm - Gaming and Free Expression (EFF discussion)
Man, this ended up as teh suck. One of the panelists runs what she calls a "mature" RPG thing and kept going on and on and on about how the Patriot Act was going to get places like hers shut down because of anything that could even remotely be construed as terrorism. Two other panelist, one who had actually READ the Act, said that it did not cover imaginary things, but she kept insisting. I left after the third iteration of their argument.

7pm - Wrestling! Four of my old Wildside buddies (Sim J, Azrael, Murder 1, and Rainman will be there)
Oh boy, did this suck. I know I was spoiled by Wildside, but really, you do not have to have every single match go to the 20 or 30 minute time limit. I saw my old pal David Young, who looked incredible, but I couldn't last until the end when he wrestled. At 8:30 they had only were just starting the 4th match, so I left.

More later!

Monday, September 05, 2005

I'm home.


More later.

*sleeps for the next 13 hours*

Sunday, September 04, 2005

Dragon*Con's going great!

Saw this on CNN.com and had to share...

Should President Bush nominate a current Supreme Court jurist for chief justice or pick someone new?


Thursday, September 01, 2005

Work rage issues. Just... GAH, I work with stupid people, for stupid people, supporting fucking retarded people.

Then I'm kicking myself because I played FF X this morning instead of finishing the packing, so I get to leave here at 6:30pm, get home by 7pm, finish packing, and drive in the dark back roads to Janice's house while tired. Fucking idiot me.

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

There are lines for gas at the gas stations here.

And the cost is $2.99 for the lowest grade.

Sunday, August 28, 2005

*praying there's a New Orleans in the morning*

Saturday, August 27, 2005

Since I am so very Virgo (remember, my NetFlix queue is in a carefully kept spreadsheet...), I have taken the info from DragonCon's webpage and made my schedule. ;-)

Noon - Gundum SEED episodes 1 - 3
1pm - TOR 40th Anniversary of Dune party
5:30pm - Gaming and Free Expression (EFF discussion)
7pm - Wrestling! Four of my old Wildside buddies (Sim J, Azrael, Murder 1, and Rainman will be there)

10am - Parade outside (sneak in if possible *grin*)
1pm - Panel with Robin Curtis
2:30pm - Honing your Psychic Abilities, Beginning Level
5:30pm - Star Trek Celebrity panel
7pm - Cowboy Bebop: Knocking on Heaven's Door

10am - Mars Exploration Rovers
11:30am - Christianity and Paganism
1pm - One Ring King Kong Presentation
2:30pm - Women in Gaming
4:30pm - Xenosaga episodes 1 & 2
5:30pm - Star Wars: Timeline in Crisis or Xenosaga episode 3 (only if the first two are decent)
7pm - Happy Hour in 10-Forward
8pm - Masquerade

10am - Panel with LeVar Burton
11:30am - Fan Fiction, Fan Websites, and the Law (another EFF panel)
2:30pm - Cooking in Middle Earth

Friday, August 26, 2005

Hey, sorry, been trying to get some remote access stuff to work. So far, no go, but the tech support guy at Echo VNC is being a 1000% helpful and kind to this idiot.

Tree came down fine, although I didn't ask Dad how. :-p

And now there's rumors that Advent Children is being delayed until November. *goes off to borrow someone's materia*

Saturday, August 20, 2005

I'm about to flee my house.

Sometime this past week (Tuesday or Wednesday night, I can't remember) we had a really powerful thunderstorm. It looked like a hurricane out there. I heard limbs bounce off the roof, but nothing bad, so I went back to bed.

In the morning, I saw that one of my neighbor's pine trees had snapped about 20 feet up in the air and was leaning on my maple tree. My house is in no danger - the worst that can happen if it falls now is take out the fence that divides my yard from his. I left my business card with my cell phone number on it and a note saying that when he called the tree people to let me know if they needed to get into my yard.

He calls me later that day, saying he's going to get a chainsaw and some friends to take it down.

His parents and his friend are here, and they're trying to take the godsdamned thing down with an underpowered GMC truck, some rope, and a chainsaw. I've called Dad over here, and I'm leaving. I can not watch these idiots kill themselves and/or take out my fence. I wouldn't mind packing up my cats, but I don't have a place to take them or money to board them for the day. :-p

*fleeing in terror*

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Out of 2147... random... first 15...

1) WarCraft III 2001 trailer
- The music to the trailer that told us WarCraft fans that we were in for a real treat
2) Andrew Boyd & Robb Mills - The Pool Awakens
- From "Pool of Radiance - Ruins of Myth Drannor". There was a lot of good music in this game that is generally looked down upon because of some serious bugs in the original release. Once you patch it, you have an incredible dungeon crawl.
3) Kaze No Orchestra - Kaisou
- From "Record of the Lodoss War"
4) Prince and the Revolution - The Beautiful Ones
5) Hans Zimmer - The Way of the Sword
- From "The Last Samurai"
6) The Black Crowes - Sometimes Salvation
7) Mox - Fez
8) Evanescence - Bring Me To Life
- One of those songs I sing really loud in my car. ;-)
9) Noriko Matsueda and Takahito Eguchi - Aeons
- From "Final Fantasy X-2". OK, Bahamut, hint taken, I will work on the damn story...
10) Anastacia - I'm Outta Love
11) Aerosmith - Dream On (Live)
12) Brian Tyler - The Revolution
- From Sci-Fi's "Children of Dune".
13) Heart - Who Will You Run To?
14) Queen - A King of Magic
15) Larry Greene - Through the Fire

I know I'm not doing much more than this lately, but I'm just tired... I could complain about work, but it won't do me any good. I could complain about the pain in my left hand from the blood clot in it, and how it'll be weeks probably before it's back to normal, but it won't do me any good.

Besides, I don't want another email from some idiot about how I should take down my blog because my life sucks and I'm probably fat. ;-)

So if all I talk about sometimes is music and Sephiroth... well, that's good stuff.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Someone asked about the braid once in an email...


Found a GREAT freeware photo editor software, called VCW VicMan's Photo Editor. Now, most of ya'll know I can't draw a straight line with a ruler, so shelling out massive money for Adobe was simply stupid. I've used Microsoft Photo Editor since Office 95 and love it, and it's the only thing about Office I miss. This is the closest thing I've found in the freeware department. Now I can make icons again! Like this bit of pure evilness...

Monday, August 15, 2005

At work. Joy.

Out of 2144... random 15...

1) Neptunes - Superstar
- Cru Jones's second Wildside theme. I think that's the name of it. He told me once, but I have to admit I didn't always pay attention when he spoke... he had these perfect thighs... *sigh*
2) Metallica - Tuesday's Gone
3) Nobuo Uematsu - Crossing Those Hills
- From FF IX. It's actually a very cute variation of "Melodies of Life".
4) Hive - Ultrasonic Sound
5) Adam Ant - Goody Two Shoes
6) The Black Mages - Battle Scene (FF I)
- BTW, if you come across a live album of their's... don't. It sounds like shit.
7) Yoko Kanno - Tank!
- *bows in her general direction*
8) Kaze No Orchestra - Dark Island Marmo
- From the 80's anime "Record of the Lodoss War"
9) Type O Negative - Bloody Kisses
- The Lost Boys used this in an insane promo back in the day.
10) Hootie and the Blowfish - Only Wanna Be With You
11) Rick Springfield - Celebrate Youth
12) Janet Jackson - Interlude: Pledge
- "We are a nation with no geographic boundaries, bound together through our beliefs. We are like-minded individuals sharing a common vision, pushing towards a world rid of color lines."
13) Larry Greene - Through the Fire
14) Metallica - Ain't My Bitch
15) The Eric Gales Band - High Anxiety

Sunday, August 14, 2005

My hands are getting better... I can hold things without as much pain. Now we'll just have to see how long I can use them without a lot of pain. That'll determine if I make it back to work tomorrow.

Saturday, August 13, 2005

I'm home, but not for long. My hands are a fucking mess, one from the bad IV, the other from the good IV. I can barely hold a glass, and typing is painful after a couple of words. Heading to Mom and Dad's to spend the night, in case the right hand (the one where the IV slipped out and made it swell bad) gets nasty.

Friday, August 12, 2005

It was an abcess, but whatever caused has closed up and the infection is responding to IV antibiotics. I'll be going home tomorrow.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005


I am heading to the hospital. Something has burst or ruptured or something, I am having intense pain and fever, Dr. Albert wants IV antibiotics and more tests in the morning.

Love ya'll. More when I can.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005


If this is disjointed, I'm sorry. It's late for me, and I took a Vicodin earlier.

According to Dr. Albert, after doing a contrast and fluroscope twice, and bloodwork, he has no idea what's causing my pain. There is no fistula, no abcess, no sign of any bowl loop out of place, my blood counts are all normal. Nothing comes up. He's frustrated and stumped, because he knows I'm in pain and knows it's around my pouch.

He's suggesting getting a foley catheter to use for the next few days, since it's very soft and flexible, and to keep him up to date every couple days, and to page him instantaneously if anything changes at all.

So I pop online, and there's a AIM from the daughter of a co-worker who got a BCIR after talking to me. Dr. James Pollack, my original surgeon, who was a doctor in Vietnam, died yesterday suddenly and unexpectedly. I've found no other details.

So... yeah. Now I need to get to sleep so I can go to work in the morning. Yeah.
Good news/bad news

Good news: I don't have an abcess.

Bad news: He thinks it's a loop of small bowel that's somehow gotten caught up by an adhesion or something around the collar and valve of the pouch. So surgery is still very likely in the near future.

Today he's sending me off to get a full blood spectrum, then I go knock back a shooter of radioactive sludge and have a CT-scan to see where it goes.

Lots of pain, but I can handle pain, know that I'm not panicking over an infection (yes, I'm weird that way).

Sunday, August 07, 2005

Good news/bad news:

Good news - MRI went OK. I won't know results until this week. But it may be a moot point...

Bad news - There's something very wrong with my pouch. I don't know if it's another abcess, a badly behaving adhesion, or what, but there's very local pain and swelling around the stoma. I'm calling the surgeon who fixed me up last year to see if he can get me in to see what's wrong.

So right now I'm playing a lot of Diablo II, killing demons and crap. Helps the mood.

Friday, August 05, 2005

Harry Potter Meme of All Memes by Osaku
WandOak, 12", Veela Hair
Best CourseCare of Magical Creatures
Worst CourseDivination
PetHavana brown cat
Quidditch JobReferee
Wizard CandyChocoballs
Profession After SchoolGringotts Banker
Quiz created with MemeGen!

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Between my back and my pouch, I want to just lay in bed and scream and scream until they send the men in white coats after me.

I hurt. I've been up and down all night. I have an MRI today. This all sucks.

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Can I call down a personal Meteor on assholes who make assumptions, and then plans based on those assumptions, without ever once thinking to ask me whether or not I was going to take a lunch break?

Yeah, I know, an hour of overtime looks good. But my back has been hurting for over 2 hours now, and I would have liked a break. Guess not.

On the back front, went to the doctor, got a prescription for a lot of Vicodin, and an MRI scheduled for Thursday afternoon. The Vicodin is with me here at work.

Don't tempt me. :-p

Sunday, July 31, 2005

On Wednesday, September 14th, after work, I will go to my local Game Stop and pick up my reserved copy of Advent Children

*squees and giggles and jitters around

Now I just have to wait until then.

Friday, July 29, 2005

Don't ask me what I'm doing up so early... just seemed like a good idea 30 minutes ago. :-p

I'm doing OK (except for being up too early this morning), sleeping well and coping well. Mom's in less pain than she was before thanks to a nerve block behind her knee, but she's still not pushing for answers on the underlying cause.

Working my way through Final Fantasy II, a nicely linear and fairly easy to know where to go next kind of game. I've got a bad feeling, though, that the longer it takes to find Maria's brother Leon, the less happy the reunion's going to be...

Getting new glasses this weekend. The ones I'm in now are 2 years old and can't be cleaned well because of the scratches. I also think that's why I've been having some problems with vertigo... my astigmatism may be getting worse.

And... that's it for now.

Saturday, July 23, 2005

Whee! Beat Final Fantasy I!

Yeah, on easy mode. Bite me. ;-)

Unfortunately, all the FAQs over on GameFaqs were for the old NES version, which meant that approximately 75% of stuff had a different name. :-p

So... anyone want to see me an old, cheap laptop? Doesn't have to have any networking capabilities... just needs to turn on and run Notepad. I think I'll write my own FAQ for the PlayStation next time I play...

Friday, July 22, 2005

Wow... I can't remember why I stopped taking the Melatonin before bed, but man that was a stupid decision. Slept great last night, feel a lot better.

We have a new phone system at work, and man, the hold music sucks. ;-) I told our phone guy that I'd make a CD for him, and here's the track list.

1) Nobuo Uematsu - Final Fantasy (piano version)
2) Yoko Kanno - Goodbye Julia
3) Nobuo Uematsu - Memories of Life (piano version)
4) Nobuo Uematsu - Aerith's Theme (orchestral version)
5) Nobuo Uematsu - The Successor
6) Nobuo Uematsu - To Zanarkand
7) Nobuo Uematsu - Path of Repentence
8) Nobuo Uematsu and Masashi Hamauzu - Someday the Dream Will End
9) Masashi Hamauzu - To the End of the Abyss
10) Noriko Matsueda and Takahito Eguchi - Eternity (Memories of Waves and Light)
11) Yasunori Mitsuda - The Girl Who Closed Her Heart
12) Yasunori Mitsuda - Nephilim
13) Yasunori Mitsuda - Warmth
14) Yasunori Mitsuda - Green Sleeves
15) Kimiko Itoh - River of Crystals
16) David Foster - Love Theme from St. Elmo's Fire
17) Queen - Forever
18) Emerson, Lake, and Palmer - Romeo and Juliet
19) Enya - Miss Clare Remembers
20) Enya - Watermark

If they actually use this, I'll let you know. ;-)

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Why is it that when I'm in a fuck the world mood, after waking up badly (we won't go into my mental health issues, mmm-kay?), watching Advent Children trailers with him in them makes it OK to be mad, almost empowers it?

Is it really so bad to be bad?

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

James "Scotty" Doohan died this morning

*is sad*
*giggling* OK, I SO need these when they come out

I have a kitten in my guest room for a few days... Mom had one she'd been keeping for Project Pet while they figured out why her sibs dropped dead (brain leasons), then a pretty little baby kitten walked into the house while a door-to-door salesman was harassing her. Since pretty little baby does not have shots, I'm keeping Tripod (I'll get a picture up later) for a few days.

Goldeneye is growling at anything. Me: "Goldy, she weighs, like, 1/10th of what you go, will you calm down?" Goldeneye: *growl* *hiss* *lash tail*

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

More music, this time with occasional commentary! Yes, I'm trying to dropkick my inner writer into action, why do you ask? ;-)


1) The Forbidden Pool - Howard Shore
~~~Howard Shore so kicks John Williams' butt... Shore had to write 3 scores in 3 years, and made them all sound different. Williams has written a zillion scores in 30 years, and they basically all sound the same.
2) La Serenissima - Loreena McKennitt
3) He's A Pirate - Klaus Badelt
~~~From "Pirates of the Caribbean", such a fun little soundtrack. If this shows up in that Kingdom Hearts game, I'm in big trouble...
4) Middle of Nowhere - The Blank Theory
5) Back to the Rivers of Belief - Enigma
4) You're Not Alone! - Nobuo Uematsu
~~~From the incredibly fun Final Fantasy IX
5) Blackbeat - Apollo 440
6) More Human Than Human - White Zombie
~~~Under the headphones, this is just not as good as I remember. Maybe have to try to find a better rip, or just get rid of it. It doesn't have the crunch I always think of Rob as bringing to the party.
7) Dirt - Depeche Mode
~~~Fun little ditty from these guys... I used this in the soundtrack to the FF VII fanfic I wrote last year, because it seemed to summon up both Jenova and my characters changes perfectly.
8) Good Girls Go to Heaven (Bad Girls Go Everywhere) - Meatloaf


1) Praying for Time - George Michael
~~~"Listen Without Prejudice volume 1" was an incredible album that still holds up 15 years later.
2) Superbeast (Girl on a Motorcycle mix) - Rob Zombie
~~~See, this is what I'm looking for in Rob. Lots of crunch and bass.
3) Book of Days - Enya
4) Changing States - Emerson, Lake, and Palmer
5) Learning to Fly - Pink Floyd
~~~Way back in 1998, in between surgery and going back to college, I worked in the HR office for the US Postal Service during the Christmas season hiring insanity. Basically just did a lot of data entry and faxing of forms to SLED. "Momentary Lapse of Reason" spent a lot of time in my CD player, and by the end of the job I had written a "Jayce and the Wheeled Warriors" (oh, go Google it) series in my head. Unfortunately, it's never hardly left my head, and too much of it is lost. *sigh*
6) Warm Winter - Kid Rock
7) A Knife in the Dark - Howard Shore
8) Last Battle - Yasunori Mitsuda
~~~Here's a case of "I hate the game but I love the music." Shion is the most whiney, selfish, screechy bitch I have ever had the misfortune of controlling. I swear I will not pick up another one in this series until she is gone.
9) Long Time Gone - Dixie Chicks
~~~hehehehehehe... yeah, a little bit of that in here. ;-)
10) Come To My Window - Melissa Etheridge
11) Love Rears Its Ugly Head - Living Colour
12) Wishing It Was - Santana featuring Eagle-Eye Cherry
Not in the mood to write, just sorta aimlessly here at work...

Out of 2121 tracks on my Dell DJ...

1) old Wildside theme for Havoc (don't know what it is)
2) The Best Things - Filter
3) Smack My Bitch Up - The Prodigy
4) A Storm is Coming - Howard Shore
5) You're Alright - Michael W. Smith
6) Travel Agency - Masashi Hamauzu
7) Lightning Is My Girl - Auf Der Maur
8) Perfect - Alanis Morissette
9) Prologue - Loreena McKennitt
10) Never Tear Us Apart - INXS
11) Oniwa Banshu ~ Kyoto Tansakugata - Noriyuki Asakura
12) Only You Know and I Know - Phil Collins
13) Yesterday - The Beatles
14) Kodamas - Joe Hisaishi
15) Song of Prayer ~ Yunalesca - Nobuo Uematsu and Masashi Hamauzu
16) Beach of the Void - Yasunori Mitsuda
17) YuRiPa Fight No. 1 - Noriko Matsueda and Takahito Eguchi
18) Godzilla - Blue Oyster Cult
19) The Demon Power - Joe Hisaishi
20) Face to Face - Siouxie and the Banshees

Friday, July 15, 2005

That's me at work, in the space I shared with about 6 other people before this Antarctic outpost. Notice I have Sephiroth over each shoulder. ;-) And yes, I'm that pale, and yes, I've put on a couple of pounds. I'll be 30 in September. I'm cool with it.

Some random lyrics... from "Rise", the second Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex opening theme:

I'm a soldier, born to stand
in this waking hell I am
witnessing more than I can compute

Pray myself we don't forget
lies, betrayed and the oppressed
please give me the strength to be the truth

People facing the fire together
if we don't, we'll lose all we have found

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Square E is really sucking me in...

I hated Kingdom Hearts. Not the concept, which was great, but the camera control was ass and the button mashing killed my hand.

But they're really going to make me buy the second one. First they tell me Auron's going to be in it. Then this picture is released. Barbossa and Will Turner?

Fuck yeah, I'm there. I'm so pathetic...
Can I just stay home and watch more Deep Space Nine?


It'll be more fun than having the new guy at work hovering over my shoulder all morning...

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

OK, vertigo, you can go the fuck away now... I took off a little early yesterday, I'd really rather not have to take off early again...

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Let's see... Music Playlists, Play All Tracks, Shuffle...

1. The Devil Came Back to Georgia - The Charlie Daniels Band and Johnny Cash
2. Time of My Life - Macy Gray
3. She Talks to Angels (accoustic version) - The Black Crowes
4. Praeludium in a-moll - Diertrich Buxtehude
5. J-E-N-O-V-A - The Black Mages
6. NWA Wildside theme for Kaos (never knew who did it)
7. One Moment in Time - Whitney Houston
8. NWA Wildside theme for Seth DeLay (something by Silverchair)
9. What the Hell Have I? - Alice in Chains
10. The Gift - Annie Lennox
11. Go Faster - The Black Crowes
12. Right Now - Van Halen
13. Carrion - Fiona Apple
14. B.O.B. - Outkast
15. Enemy Attack - Junya Nakano

Monday, July 11, 2005

Dear Dodge,

Please hurry up and make the hybrid Ram. I miss my big pickup.



Saturday, July 09, 2005

My apologies... I'm spending as much of the weekend drunk as possible. Need the analgesic. Here's me and Harley -

Yes, she climbed up there herself. That's what she did, climbed and jumped and careened off of anything and everything.

Now I cry about her.

Friday, July 08, 2005

Mom just called... little Harlequin died today. When I get home from work, I'll find a picture of me and her.

Harlequin was from a litter of kittens Mom fostered last year. The mother cat was disinterested in two of her babies and stopped feeding them. One died the night we got them, but Harley hung on. She was teeny tiny... it took 5 or 6 months for her to get to 2 pounds so she could be spayed. But she was fiesty and had the weirdest, roughest cat call you ever heard.

Mom got her back a couple of months ago, after she was diagnosed with feline herpes and thus rendered unadoptable. She lived with Johnny and Xerxes, Mom's two persians (Xerxes already has herpes), tormenting them greatly. Then, in the last week, her nose started running a lot and she'd sneeze brown junk. Also, she deevloped some weird lumps on her belly. The vet said to bring her in today and he'd do some surgery to see if it was breast tissue (she was spayed while she was in heat) or something else.

Surgery went fine, he didn't find anything bad. But when they tried to wake her up, her little heart just stopped.



Thursday, July 07, 2005

I, Jennifer Sigman, give myself permission to write out of order. I also give myself permission to write what I'm not working on right now, to write imaginary conversations between me and my boss, and to write what I told myself not to write yet for another year or two. If it's in my head, write it down.

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

I move into a new space at work today. Not an office, but part of the open space next to the server room. It's cold over there. It's also light years from anyone else in the department. Supposedly, it's temporary.

Over/under on my getting sick? Anyone?

Sunday, July 03, 2005

There's a special kind of shower that doesn't happen all the time... conditions have to be just right. But then you get your hair shampooed good and the conditioner in and your still-sharp loufa sponge full of soap. You're covered in suds and scrubbing hard, and once you rinse you're probably missing a layer or two of skin, but it's the kind of thing where you can then step out and loudly proclaim, "I am CLEAN!"

Yeah, that's me. ;-)

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Still very sick, but not quite as bad as before. Had another high fever yesterday, and woke up this morning with a 100 degree fever, but nothing since. Very tired. Very hard to focus my eyes on the screen.

Monday, June 27, 2005

Got to the concert Friday night despite fever and sore throat.

Spent Saturday wishing I would die, between fever, sore throat, and vomiting. Missed the concert.

Dragged myself home yesterday, went to the Urgent Care, got a bag of fluid (my pulse was 120 despite the fact I had been laying down for the last 15 minutes), a diagnoses of strep throat, and doctor's orders to stay home.

Going back to bed.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

At 4:55pm yesterday, my doctor finally decides to call me back. I left the message about 10:30am. :-p

I am feeling a little better after the first dose, although I'm sure people will tell me it's the placebo affect. I haven't felt like I needed cup after cup of coffee to keep going. In fact, I've only had my one early morning cup.

Mom and Becca left for New York before 7am this morning. I left a message on Mom's cell phone, just to let her know I'm thinking of them.

'Scuse me, that's her. :-)

ADDENDUM: They're doing fine, they're just over the border in Virginia getting lunch. Mom thinks they might make it to Terrytown tonight. Um... it took 6 hours just to get that far, it's at least another 8 or 9 to go. I hope she doesn't push Becca too hard.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

So I leave work yesterday at 4pm, thinking that if Becca and Mom are going to take my car to New York, I'd go ahead and get the oil changed and tired rotated. As I drive in, I see that the place I'm going to is also doing a free brake inspection.

Brakes are fine. Tired are toast. They had 56,500 miles on them and no tread left. So I spend $300 to get new tires.

Go to Mom's, hang out with the new kitten Tripod (named because she has three grey tabby legs and one golden tabby leg) that she's fostering. Go home, start cleaning out my car.

Mom calls. She had just gotten off the phone with Becca, who decided (or badgered JR into doing it for her) to borrow her in-law's Taurus instead.

Today, I'm calling the doctor. I'm not coping. I need help.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

OK. Way back in March or April, my brother-in-law Paul (husband of Heather, my half-sister) goes into the hospital to have a small cancerous thing removed from his bile duct. He spends a month or more in the hosptial (until mid-May, if I'm remembering right), partly because they had to remove part of his pancreas, partly to recover from an infection.

I see him last week when I'm in Terrytown, he's lost 30 pounds and half his hair, and has a drain in for the infection that was lingering.

Today he was going to go in just to get that infection scraped out. Instead, they take out more of his pancreas, more bile duct, and something happens with his aorta that makes him lose 7 pints of blood. Tomorrow they'll take part of his femoral artery to fix whatever's wrong with his aorta.

So, Becca and Mom will drive up to New York in my car (the only dependable one), I'll take Dad's VW Bug to Atlanta, and Dad will cram himself in Mom's Oldsmobile Achieva.

Monday, June 20, 2005

You know you're doing bad when you'd rather stare at a hard drive formatting itself than write something... *sigh*

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Sorry, but for whatever reason I am very worn out and tired most of the time.

The fact that vertigo struck on the way home from New York didn't help. Neither does the thinly-veiled hostilty from my co-worker.

One bright spot (to me, anyways) has been playing .hack part 2. This game is as addictive as crack, and three times as much fun. ;-) Can't wait to get home and play some more.

Friday, June 10, 2005

*frantically waving Arlene away*

SHOO! Don't be messing up my flight home Sunday!

Monday, June 06, 2005

Be careful shipping overnight with UPS. Your box may end up looking like this:

There was a laptop in there. Fortunately, it still works.

Thursday, June 02, 2005

I guess what gets me the most worried about everyone else going to lunch without me over and over again is that the new VP is now part of that, excluding me from plans and not even asking if I'd be interested. If he thinks that little of me, how secure is my job?

Sunday, May 29, 2005

Let's see, what have I accomplished today...

1) Watched Deep Impact Awesome, excellent, incredible movie. I'm sobbing like a baby at the end. I love the ones that focus on the people.

2) Went to Mom and Dad's to help them out. While we didn't get a chance to wash Mom's red Persian cat Johnny, I did help get her laundry done and ate a most excellent dinner prepared by my completely stressed out Dad. She's doing better, less pain unless she does something silly (like try to bend over and grab Harley *sigh*), but Dad needs about a week of uninterrupted sleep.

3) Got the grocery shopping done, and for less than $40.

4) Watched Return to Oz What a trippy movie... That gets me all caught up on my NetFlix stuff.

So now I can spend the next few hours drinking whiskey and playing Aardwolf until my friends start begging, "Ref, nice to see you, but WILL YOU TAKE YOUR DRUNK ASS TO BED ALREADY?!?!?!?" Tomorrow I can split my time between house cleaning and starting .hack part 1

Saturday, May 28, 2005

*phew* After about 45 minutes of looking, finally booked a decent and decent-priced hotel for my Nobuo Uematsu concert at the end of June. Travelocity just seemed to deal with the $100+ a night rooms, Expedia got me in at something a bit more reasonable.

Now I'm in a good mood. Off to go eat out.

You Are The Wayfarer Guide
"I'll show you the way."

Your deep insight and quick wisdom never ceases to amaze those around you. You are the guiding light for many of those you know and are not afraid to help anyone else who asks. Not very many acknowledge your tremendous help and effort, but you do not mind that so much. You've seen what is in store for them, and will be there should they need your help. You enjoy people in general, but are very selective of who you let see the real you. Others see you as an enigma of sorts, a mystery that is seemingly ever changing.

Which Classic Story Role Do You Play?
brought to you by Quizilla

And that's how I write myself most of the time, too.

Thursday, May 26, 2005

I realize this may not be a popular opinion, but John Williams' music is rather boring.

Don't get me wrong, I still get chills when I hear "Imperial Death March", and "Duel of the Fates" was very good, but if you've heard one of his soundtracks, you've basically heard them all. If you have to own just one, get "Empire Strikes Back".

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Got this from Janice, and it sums up my feelings on about 75% of the people who call themselves Christian.

An honest man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy
boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him.

He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have
beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman hit the roof, and the horn, screaming in frustration as
she missed her chance to get through the intersection. As she was still in
mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a
very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with
her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched,
finger printed, photographed and placed in a holding cell.

After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the
door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer
was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your
car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you,
and cussing a blue streak at him. "I noticed the 'Choose Life' license
plate holder, the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Follow Me to
Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem
on the trunk. Naturally, I assumed you had stolen the car."

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Since no-one's here and there's nothing to do, figured I'd write a little something. This may or may not ever get into what I'm working on now, but it is part of it. Enjoy!

PS: Dave, Vince McMahon couldn't afford me, and his daughter would fire me 3 seconds after I turned the first script in. ;-)


The light was hazy, bright, and starkly white. Yuna couldn't tell exactly where she was, other than it was vaguely and disturbingly familiar. There was shouting coming from somewhere in front of her. Hearing familiar voices, she ran towards it. The featureless corridor emptied into a huge room filled with smoke. There was a battle going on, but she couldn't see the participants. She plunged into the greyness to find her answers.

Someone fell to the ground nearby. Turning towards the sound, she edged forward slowly but still somehow stumbled over the body on the floor. She turned back to see the prematurely grey hair and permanently empty eyes of Paine. Yuna screamed.

Somewhere nearby someone else screamed back. She knew that high-pitched voice, but she couldn't make her mouth form any words. She ran forward to see Rikku fall across the twisted form of her brother. Yuna screamed again.

The smoke cleared, and the room was revealed to be a huge Chamber of the Fayth, but one with an altar on top of the Fayth scar. Collapsing over the altar was the fading dragon-form of Bahamut. Spread out on the altar was the fading form of Tidus. All around her horrifyingly familiar laughter echoed off the walls...


Yuna say up in bed, gasping and shivering. Had she screamed? She felt the beloved form in the bed next to her, still sleeping, one arm in her lap. "A dream," she whispered.

Tidus murmured her name and sleepily wrapped his hand around her waist. She fell back into his embrace, frantically holding him and thinking, THIS is real, THIS is real...

Sunday, May 22, 2005

Just got off the phone with Mom and Dad, who just walked in the door from the hospital. They gave her IV muscle relaxants and morphine, and she's got prescriptions for the same. I'll swing by there to help do Dad's laundry (he got no sleep, having spent the night scrunching his 6 foot 3, 300 pound frame into a chair 2 sizes too small) and check up on things.

Saturday, May 21, 2005

Mom's been having excruciating sciatic nerve pain since Mother's Day. Her doctor's been mealy-mouthing along, pissing me the hell off. Thursday she started feeling a good bit better, and today she tried to go to Raven's ballet recital.

That lasted until she tried to get out of the car, twisted a little, and stopped dead unable to move from pain. I told Dad to take her to the hospital. Thankfully, he listened to me and not Mom (who has been uncharacteristically passive about the whole thing).

I should get exactly no sleep tonight...

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Stop paranoia
From ruining your work day.
Does it still matter?

It does not matter.
This, too, shall pass and you will
Be the one standing.
You scored as Yoda.



Darth Vader


Padme Amidala




Obi Wan Kenobi


Anakin Skywalker


Mace Windu


General Grievous




Clone Trooper




Emperor Palpatine


Which Revenge of the Sith Character are you?
created with QuizFarm.com

Monday, May 16, 2005

2) Write a scene with one character, a setting and a change. No dialogue is allowed. Yes, you can

He was utterly lost.

He had accepted being kind of lost an hour ago. When he flashlight had flickered just before then, he had decided to walk and change the batteries at the same time, trusting that he knew exactly where he was going. When one of the batteries fell from his hand and rolled away, he didn't panic, he simply turned around and headed back the way he had come.

The old-timers had always talked about new tunnels appearing in the "haunted" cavern. He had dismissed them as nonsense made up to spare the families of whatever idiots had gotten lost. He had walked this cavern a hundred times since he was a boy and never had a problem being home in time for supper.

Now he was stumbling through stalagmites that seemed just a little off kilter, as well as completely unfamiliar. Now he was trying not to blubber like a baby for his mother. Now... now he was completely lost.

The stalagmites stopped abruptly, like a forest that had been cleared. He took cautious steps forward. He could tell from the echoes that he had entered a huge, open space. In all his exploring, he had never come across anything that felt even remotely as big as this. It was like being at the edge of a pro football stadium.

One slow step at a time, he edged out towards the middle. He felt the ground rise up beneath him. He paused, straining to see around him. There was a grating noise, metal on stone, and suddenly the room was filled with blinding light.
1) Write a scene with a setting, NO CHARACTERS, and a change. The change must have real importance, dire consequences. Yes, you can.

The peninsula was a long strip of land, three parts water and one part sand. It was wide enough that even at the full moon's highest tide there was several hundred feet of dry land. The sun was just a silver of orange on the horizon, setting in the direction Humans called "west" and Treans called "uwar". The ocean shaded from dark grey to soft pink, depending on where one looked.

Night fell with the suddenness that the topics on any planet were famous for. To the east, or "tuor", the horizon took on it's own red glow, obscured by a rising haze. After a long moment a red light sprang into view, and all the water it touched boiled.
Feeling a bit creative today. Got a couple of writing challenges from Dawn's blog that I'm working on. Came up with this work haiku a minute ago.

I have to just stop.
Fretting will do nothing more
than make me feel bad.

And yeah, that's hard as fuck to do.

Saturday, May 14, 2005

Woo-hoo! Finally got all 63 CDs re-ripped. Now to delete all my old playlists and start over with much better sounding music.

Don't worry if you don't hear from me today. After I'm done with Joshua, the hermit crab side of me comes out, and I may just sit around drinking Jack Daniels and watching anime, playing FF V, etc. But I'll be OK. I need me time to unwind from the insanity that is my job.

Thursday, May 12, 2005

*resisting urge to throw headphones across the room*

Stupid ancient things keep cutting out on the left side... *sigh*

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

44 minutes late to lunch

14 minutes past when my co-workers was supposed to be back.

The lunch I wanted was eaten by my Dad.

Yes, it's a shitty day.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Update - She's OK, just got arthritis in her spine between her shoulder blades. I'll get to try to give her liquid prednisone for a while. Anyone got any kevlar gloves? I named her after a psychotic war chieftess character for a reason...
Fierce little kitten
Psychotic war chieftess cat
Please don't leave me now

Kahvi's at the vet. More later when I hear more.

Friday, May 06, 2005

Amazing how much less stressed I am by keeping myself under my headphones...

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

As promised...

Purrfect, 3 weeks old
Purrfect, 6 weeks old Those are Dad's hands in these pics, they wouldn't stay still. ;-)
Lamb (left) and Lion, 3 weeks old
Lion, 6 weeks old
Lamb, 6 weeks old
Daffodil, 3 weeks old
Daffodil, 6 weeks old and already almost 2 pounds.

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Blah blah blah, works sucks, people I work for are assholes, blah blah blah.

I'll get kittens at 6 weeks old pictures up tomorrow.

Sunday, April 24, 2005

If there is at least one person in your life whom you consider a close friend, and whom you would not have met without the internet, post this sentence in your journal.

For my bestest friend in the world... last month was 8 years. You're more my sister than my flesh and blood, and you knows it.
Just finished beating Devil May Cry, admittedly on Easy/Auto mode. The problem I have with button-mashers is that the arthritis in my hands won't let me do it for long. :-p Nice little story, though, enough for me to maybe make a visit someday.

Up next: Final Fantasy V

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

A friend of mine who shall remain nameless in case the sharks circle sent me this lovely bit of poetry.

What can I say, I'm disenfranchised, displeased, disillusioned, and disappointed. I'm looking to dis back and hit the door. Looking towards the business industry but cannot figure out what widget to sell.

It took me several minutes to figure out how to answer that in the appropriate manor. I figure we'll be doing this all afternoon. ;-)