**How can you care?** 'Because I choose to.' **You make it sound so simple.** 'That's because it is simple. Hard sometimes, but simple.'

Monday, May 21, 2007

Kinda short... I'm out of the hospital, but I'm a long way from being what I'd consider well. Me and this new external stoma are going to have to get to know each other a good bit better... I've gone from having a small stoma (the size of my upper thumb joint) under the skin to this huge thing sticking out above the skin. The ostomy nurse and the surgeon say it'll get smaller over the next six weeks, but I hate how it looks right now.

I'm also in a lot of pain... let's just say he opened me up enough to give a detailed report on the state of my ovaries, uterus, liver, and gallbladder, as well as the small intestine and keeping an eye on my urethas (the connections from the kidneys to the bladder). There's also new pain on the left side since that's where the stoma is (normally it's on the right side, but that's where all the scar tissue and stuff from all the infections was). And of course the arthritis in my back has yet to forgive me for spending hours on an operating table and 3 days in a bed that didn't have 1 inch memory foam on it.

So... I'm alive. I'm breathing. But I'm not happy yet, and this is going to be a slow process. I don't want to wallow in despair, but I'm feeling overwhelmed, because I have to call the insurance company and get started on figuring out how the fuck I get ostomy supplies. I have enough to last me a couple of weeks if I'm good, but...

Oh, and yeah, this stuff isn't necessarily cheap, either. I know Dad has to pay full price for his, and then eventually get slightly reimbursed by his insurance company.

AND the hospital is already screwing up my insurance by not having the right account number for me, even though I wrote it down twice when I was doing all the pre op stuff AND they made a goddamn copy of my card.

Oh, and the insurance company didn't pay for a bunch of lab tests last month to determine why I got the clots in December, and they won't pay for the ambulance ride, so I owe one place $540 and the other $600+.

Yeah. I'm stressed, and I'm overwhelmed, and I'm not coping real well yet. Bear with me, or don't.

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